This Is Now, For Now
by rileyluvr13
Summary: Jesse goes to medical school, strangely breaking off ties with Suze. But one night, Jesse's back, telling of disturbances in the supernatural world that have to do with the De Silvas. Can Suze trust him enough to help and not break her heart again? JS.
1. Chapter One

**A/N:** I'm a big fan of the Mediator series, and this idea wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it. This chapter is a little slow since it's the first one. Please read and review!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Mediator series or anything associated.

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter One

"_Susannah."_

_Jesse's voice rang over my shoulder. I told myself I wouldn't turn around to see the expression on his face. I told myself that he wouldn't be gone for long. I told myself that it wouldn't be too hard to sit around in Carmel, California while he was off at medical school across the country._

_Yeah, right._

"_Please don't be mad, Susannah." I could feel his velvety tone working at my thick walls. "It won't be long. Just…"_

"_Eight years." My voice was cold, harsh, and unforgiving. Why was I speaking to my one true love like this? "Eight long, lonely years."_

"_It's my dream." He choked on these words. Only, if Jesse ever showed true emotion, he would have. It would have been harder to fall for him that way. "I need to go. You must know that I want to be with you more, but this is an opportunity of a lifetime."_

_I scowled. Those words couldn't be truthful. "Jesse… just stop. Go to college, become a doctor, hang out with college girls." My mouth tripped on those last words._

"Querida._" His strong, tan arms encircled my waist from behind, cutting off whatever sarcastic jab coming next. "You know that you're the only one for me."_

_I tried to suppress the smile forming at the corners of my mouth by staring out into the setting sun off of the sparkling ocean in front of me. And succeeded. "But… what should I do? Finish up my senior year at high school, and then what? My grades or SATs won't nearly be as good enough as yours to get into Cornell, let alone a decent college. I'll be lucky enough to get into clown school."_

_I felt a breath of laughter reverberate from his chest behind me. "You're not that dumb, Susannah."_

_My scowl deepened. "Jesse, stop. Just go pack. Semester starts next week." I sucked up the tears welling in my eyes and twisted my face around to see his expression. It was sad, the saddest I've ever seen it. Maybe he really did care about leaving me. Or was that just my imagination running wild again?_

_Seeing my close-to-tears expression, he held me closer and whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling my cheek, "Never, Susannah, will I ever stop loving you. That can't and won't change. I swear it on my life."_

_I smiled half-heartedly. "You didn't have a life to swear on a couple of months ago."_

_He returned it. "True. But knowing that I do now makes this all more important."_

_And he leaned down and kissed me. Nothing in the world was like Jesse de Silva's sweet kisses, and how much I would miss them in the next eight years to come. Surviving without Jesse was like saltwater without its salt, trees bearing no green, life but not living. It wasn't right, wasn't good, was too cruel._

_But I savored the last few moments I had with him, making them last as he would pack up his luggage and head over to college in a mere twenty-four hours._

_I had no doubt that he would still be my love._

But that was then. This is now.

I stood in front of the fireplace in my graduation gown, a deep red. Maroon, they called it. I didn't know who would have had the nerve to buy maroon graduation gowns – possibly Father Dominic – but they were putrid and ugly. Not the exact color you'd want to be seen in for years to come.

"Okay, Brad, you get in there, too," my mom chimed after clicking her camera a couple more times.

"Why?" he grumbled, crossing his huge gorilla-like arms over his chest. "Can we just _leave_ already?"

"You wish," I mumbled under my breath as he came to stand beside me. It was one of the rare moments when my least favorite stepbrother and I shared a moment of bonding over – what else? – my mom's apparent disability to handle a digital camera. "Can't wait to make out with Kelly Prescott?"

Brad blushed as deep as his gown. I had hit his weak spot: his girlfriend of three months.

"Shut up," he muttered back harshly as the camera snapped a few more blinding shots. "At least I _have_ a girlfriend."

My blood froze in my veins and terror seized my gut.

"What's up, Susie?" My mom knew me better than anyone else in the Ackerman household, especially when something was wrong. "Is the flash too harsh? Oh, honey, I could always turn it down, you know that's not a problem – "

"No, Mom. I'm fine." Although I was far from it for, oh, the past year or so. Especially today. Had the graduation invite even reached him? Did he bother to read it, or just throw it in the shredder like all the other junk mail I sent?

"Come on, let's just go," my stepfather, Andy, said, creaking down the stairs of our house in a tuxedo. He gave me and Brad a goofy smile before opening the door and urging my youngest stepbrother, David, out of it.

The rest of the night passed in such a blur, I wasn't even sure it had happened. All I remembered was sitting in a cold metal chair, gazing across the audience, hoping that I'd catch his curly black hair or liquid dark eyes. But he wasn't there. And, as much as I wanted to tell myself, I didn't believe he would be either.

A few ghosts were in the audience. Some clapping for theirs sons, daughters, brothers, or sisters, others not knowing how they got there. I tried to avert my gaze from them, trying not to attract the company of the supernatural world for just one night. Then Paul Slater, sitting next to me in alphabetical order, nudged my knee with his.

"Taking bets on which one will scream the loudest when their loved one is called?" he muttered, making me smile slightly. I often forgot that Paul could see the dead these days; he acted so normal in school. But, as it turned out, I was forgetting a lot of things.

"I say the old one in the purple dress on the right," I mumbled, jerking my head in the direction. Sure enough, a ghost of a grandmother, no doubt, looking so filled with emotion that she would simply burst from it.

Paul chuckled, adjusting the maroon cap on the top of his head. "We'll see."

It was that ghost. When one of my fellow classmates was called, she cheered and hollered and would have stamped her feet if she could. And as I heard my name called to get my diploma – "Susannah Simon" barely registering in my mind – I faintly heard my family's cheers.

For my mind was elsewhere.

* * *

I didn't really know what caused our falling out.

At first, after Jesse went away for college at the end of my junior year, we talked on the phone everyday. We talked to each other until the moonlight grew faint through my window. Talking about everything, anything that still proved we could stay together forever, despite the distance and time.

"Promise you'll be back soon?" I whispered into the phone one dreadfully tiring night, hoping I wouldn't wake up Spike, who was staying with me in temporary custody.

Jesse laughed lightly. "Yes, of course. Now, good night."

"Wait!" I cried.

"What, _querida_?"

"Spike says hi."

I could imagine the smile playing at the corner of his lips. "Oh, really?"

"Yes. He misses you a lot. But not more than me."

Jesse sighed again. "I miss you too. Look, I've got to go study. Good night, Susannah."

Most of our early conversations went like that. Me finding pointless topics to discuss, while Jesse ended them with excuses of homework. And then, suddenly, as soon as I would call, it would be homework, yet again, keeping him away from talking.

"Jesse!" I sighed at hearing his voice after one terrible day at school. Calculus was some kind of hell.

"Oh, Susannah." He sounded distant, hollow, as if something was keeping him from talking to me. " Can't exactly talk right now. Big exam tomorrow. Talk to you later, _querida_."

"But…" Before I could even finish my sentence, the phone went dead. He had hung up on me.

After a couple weeks of trying and getting hung up on, I didn't bother to call. Most times he just let it ring. I tried writing letters instead – hoping he would find the time, somehow, to answer those. When he didn't, I couldn't stop. Just last week I had sent another, only to not get a reply, like usual.

_Dear Jesse,_

_I'm graduating this week. We have maroon gowns. Maroon. I know, it's pretty stupid. We look like huge tablecloths instead of eighteen year olds. But I guess it's something we can't help._

_I can't believe it's only been a year since you've left. It seems like so much longer. Especially since you haven't cared to reply to any of these letters. I think I'm mostly writing them for myself these days. To numb the pain. _

_I still don't understand why you're so distant. But, you know, I can't let go. Only one true love for the rest of my life, remember? That's you, Jesse. You. In case you change your mind, you can always come to my graduation. It's this Friday at the Mission, staring at six._

_Hope you can come._

_Love, Susannah._

I'm not crazy, or anything. I know perfectly well he wants nothing to do with me for the rest of my life now. It still hurts. I stay up late at night crying about it. But I had maybe hoped this letter would be different. He'd respond, and his personality would come through his words, shining as bright as the stars outside.

But I'd given up almost all hope now.

* * *

I pulled open the door to the house, only feeling half crestfallen since my expectations hadn't been high to begin with. Behind me, I heard the engine of Jake's car starting.

"Suze!"

I whipped around, turning to face Jake and Brad sitting in the front seats of the Camaro. They still had on their tuxedos.

"Coming?" Jake asked, his arm hanging out of the window.

"Where?" I hollowly replied, twisting my graduation cap in my hands.

"Kelly's pool party!" Brad called. "Now hurry up, Jake's holding me up until I get an answer!"

Of course. Brad _never_ did any unselfish act unless if it was for his personal gain.

"Umm… I guess not." How had I missed that invite? Where I had been?

"Are you sure?" As much as I hated to admit it, Jake had actually been concerned about me since Jesse went away. I had no idea why; maybe it had to do with the whole heart-grows-fond-with-time thing. But, needless to say, he was looking out for me.

"Yeah. It's a big change, graduation. I think I'll just hang out tonight." I gave them a reassuring smile and headed back inside. I heard tires squeal on asphalt and the crunching of gravel underneath. They were gone.

Once I reached my room, I collapsed on my bed and sobbed. Really, that's the only word to describe it. I was completely and utterly disappointed. He should have been there tonight. It was what he should have done.

But he wasn't. And it broke my heart into a million more pieces.

I stepped into a nice hot, long bath and soaked in the water for a while, letting all my sorrows flow out. Next fall, I'd be starting at the local university, the same place Jake went. So many changes had taken place in the last year; it was unbelievable. Last year, Jesse had become alive again and danced with me under the moonlight at the prom. If only he was here right now…

"Susie!" my mom called up the stairs. "Come on down here! Someone's here to see you!"

I stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around myself. To be honest? I didn't feel like seeing anyone in this state. This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, yet it felt like the worst. Who would want to see me now?

Not caring that my hair was in a million sopping knots, only a purple bathrobe thrown around my body, I stepped down the stairs quickly, hoping I could just simply dismiss this visitor as easy as anyone else. My mom was standing at the bottom, her lips in a thin line.

"You might have wanted to make yourself at least a_ little_ more presentable," she whispered to me as I rounded the corner and came face to face with the person of my dreams, back from college to break my heart some more.

Jesse de Silva.


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait. I promised my friend I'd update, so that explains this. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this story or not. It seemed like a good idea a month ago, but now… I'm not so sure. Anybody think I should continue it? I have plot ideas… Anyway, read and review, please!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Mediator series, or else Paul would be under a headstone in the Carmel cemetery the second we met him.

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Two

I was _this_ close.

This close to jumping on top of him and demanding where he had been for the past few months, why he hadn't responded to my letters, and why he had come now. This close to pounding him to a pulp, using all my guts and skills to make him regret ever showing up here again. This close to breaking down and crying, bawling my eyes out in relief and sorrow.

For one wild moment, I imagined he came for my graduation. Maybe he had missed his flight. Maybe he had to drive a beat up pick-up truck cross-country just to get here. And he'd just shown up, apologizing for being hours late, and then pull me into his arms and kiss me senseless, out of the dreamlike state that this last year had taken.

I wanted to believe it, but found I couldn't.

At the same time, my heart shattered and cracked like a rock dropped on a thin sheet of ice. All those months, all those times he hung up on me, all those times he didn't reply to my letters. My eyes started to sting around the edges. Now, more than ever, I felt like clinging to him hopelessly and then pushing him away, just to give him a little taste of what hell my life had been like for the past year.

My mother stood awkwardly between us. I probably looked like a silly child stuck between whether to be overjoyed at a Christmas present or appalled that it was something I hadn't wanted. Either way, she said, "Jesse, how nice to see you! Please, come sit down."

See, my mom knew nothing about how Jesse and I had grown apart. I simply lied to her about how we called each other every night, wrote e-mails, all the usual forms of communication. She was easy to fool, but my stepbrother was harder to shake. David knew me better than anyone in this house, and once he found out the truth with some guessing, it was hard to keep his mouth shut when Brad was looking for some good blackmail on me.

Go figure. Brad actually had a plan of action these days.

"No, thank you," Jesse said politely. My heart fluttered at the sound of that soothing, velvety voice I hadn't heard in a couple of months. Being mad at him didn't stop me from loving him. "I'll just be here for a little bit, not long at all."

_Not long at all_. The words echoed in my head over and over again. My little fantasies blew away with wind as cold and whipping as his voice.

"Are you sure?" Mom asked, skeptical. "You look a little jet-lagged." It was true. There were the beginnings of bags under those dark, liquid eyes. It had to be around eleven o'clock back in New York.

"I'm perfectly fine. I just need to talk to Susannah." Once again, my foolish heart did leaps and dances at hearing my name on his tongue.

Mom just patted my shoulder lightly, saying, "Well, if you need anything, I'll be in the living room," as she exited the foyer. Leaving me alone with Jesse for the first time in a year.

I finally got a good look at him. He was wearing a beige coat with dark pants and a midnight blue sweater. Leave it to Jesse to break my heart and look stylish while doing it.

"Susannah," he curtly nodded, taking a step further into the foyer than I silently dared him to.

I couldn't talk. My throat was glued shut. I could barely breath. And I certainly couldn't stop my heart from beating furiously.

"I'm here for a reason, you know," he continued. Because college guys just flew across the country to drop in on their high school sweethearts everyday for no purpose at all. _Right_. I've get it.

"I kind of figured that out for myself, thanks," I managed to reply weakly, my voice distant and sarcastic.

His dark eyes flashed over at the first sound of my voice, light passing through the inky irises. This emotion – I thought I had memorized all of his reactions – was unknown to me.

"Can we talk without being overheard?" Jesse asked, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over his arm.

"I guess," I simply said. I turned on my heel, wrapping my bathrobe around my body tighter and trying to tame the mess of my hair by finger-combing it. Why hadn't I tried to look a little better when I came down? What had been going through my head?

Not knowing where to go, I started up to my room. I didn't need to turn around to know he was climbing up behind me. It still amazed me that he was finally human. I was so used to him sneaking up in front or behind me when he was a ghost. But now, I heard his footsteps and felt his breath on my neck.

Okay, yeah, I know I probably shouldn't have gone to my room. It was probably one of the stupidest mistakes I could have possibly made. But it seemed like an easy solution at the time.

Once I opened up my door and stepped inside, I gestured for Jesse to walk right in. He strolled inside my room nonchalantly, gazing around. With my back turned to him, I shut the door, locked it with a light _click_, and whipped around, only to see his back turned to me.

Spike darted out from my closet – his resident hiding spot these days – and into Jesse's eager arms. He scooped him up, holding that dumb cat to his chest like it was a form of life support. Spike purred, happy to see his favorite person in the world again. I couldn't say he wasn't the only one in the room who felt that way.

I walked over to my bed and sank down on it, smoothing my bathrobe over my legs to keep it from riding up. I glanced in the mirror across the room; my chestnut locks were wet, limp, and tangled, and my face was blotchy from the scalding water of the bath. I rubbed my hands over my cheeks, hoping to erase the effect.

"So." I started, not leaving room to finish, and kicked my legs up onto the bed. It was quite ironic that only an hour ago I was crying on this bed, wishing he were here. Now, an hour later, he was here, but I was wishing him away.

He nodded his head, still cradling Spike, and looked around a little. "Your room looks different."

It was true. I had finally got rid of the canopy on my bed, and painted my walls a soothing purple. The cushions on the window seat were shades of yellow, blue, orange, and green. Overall, it was very colorful – the only compromise I could come to with my mom and Andy. They sure loved to ruin my life.

I shrugged. I wouldn't dignify that simple question with an obvious answer.

He smiled a little, the edges of his mouth quirking into a grin. I sighed. "So, are you going to tell me why you're here? I don't believe you flew across the country just to visit me."

Amazingly, he glanced down at the carpet, his eyes filled with shame. Get that? In _shame_. "I didn't," he said in a small voice. He was never like this in all the years I'd known him. What was going _on_?

"Yes? Then why are you here?"

"To tell you something."

"I'm listening."

My voice sounded cold and cut the tension in the air like icy blades. His, on the other hand, was soft and warm enough to wrap around you and make you feel comfortable in any time, any place, any situation.

But not this one.

Jesse sat down on my new window seat with Spike, gazing out into the dark twilight sky. He seemed very uncomfortable, even though he had sat there dozens of times before – ghost and human. I guess that's what time did to you. Once again, he surprised me, stumbling a little as he said, "It… sort of… has to do with the supernatural world."

"Of course," I muttered under my breath.

He ignored me. "There are some major disturbances in the spectral plane that you should be aware of."

I snorted. "I think I could have found that out perfectly on my own, Jesse, thank you very much." Hearing his name on my tongue for the first time in around six months sent shivers down my spine.

His eyes blazed with a definite and determined purpose. "But these affect you and I."

I'll admit it; my shriveled heart fluttered like a little kid blowing air into a punctured balloon. Then I realized how stupid I was being and glanced at anywhere but him, not letting my emotions show.

"Some ghosts are enlisting help, ever since the word of shifters has gotten out, thanks to Paul Slater." I could detect hate and jealously in the way he said Paul's name. "One of them is asking me and… I can't deal with it alone," he continued. "It's too… personal, for me."

"Perfect. Just tell me what it is, and I'll handle it by myself. You can go fly those thousand miles back to New York, finish med school, and have fun with your life."

His eyes showed traces of pure frustration, and it was leaking into his voice too. That stupid cat kept on purring, reacting to Jesse's gentle touch. "Susannah. I came here because I think we should work together with Father Dominic."

I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands up in the air, but staring up at the ceiling. Anywhere but those dark pools that were his eyes. "I think _I'll_ be the judge of that. Now, tell me what this 'disturbance' is, and I can handle it _on my own_." I made sure to put a lot of emphasis on those final words.

He avoided my eyes, looking for distractions – the unraveling threads on one of my pillows, the lopsided lamp next to my head, the half-cracked mirror due to another encounter with a ghost. Hey, just because my heart was broken didn't mean my job as a mediator – shifter – was over too.

Somehow, Jesse seemed different. Avoiding my gaze was something he never did. He usually never showed any emotion on his face or in his voice, either. And, most of all, he hadn't called me _querida. _There was something distant about him, something that wasn't right…

"Jesse," I warned, using a voice that I hoped sounded persuasive enough to force the answer out of him. "Just tell me. I'm not some teenager anymore. I'm an adult, eighteen years old. There are things I can handle now." _But more things that I can't handle, like me and you_, I added in my mind.

He shifted around, looking for a small distraction. "How was your graduation?" he asked abruptly, throwing off the next jab I had coming towards him. It contained something about where he could go if he didn't tell me any-damn-thing about this occurrence.

But this caught me off guard.

"_What_?" I asked incredulously, sitting up and looking around my room wildly. My graduation gown was hung up in my closed closet; the diploma was downstairs, out of sight and mind.

"You graduated from the Academy today," he said, a finality in his voice that gave me a clue that he had found out, somehow, someway. A way that couldn't have involved me. He didn't read my letters… right?

"Yeah," I agreed – there was no point in denying it – and laid my head back down on my pillows. "So, back to the – "

"It's supposed to be a happy day, right? Why aren't you happy?" he asked curiously, but, after knowing him for so long, I could tell there was some pretty big emotion under the casually uttered words. I shifted on the bed – I was in a _bathrobe_, for God's sake! – and stared at my feet at the end of my bed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I responded, but even I could tell there was major sorrow laced in with my answer. He knew it, too. I quickly saved myself, asking, "So, are you going to tell me who this personal poltergeist is or not?"

It was his turn to be uncomfortable once more. He continued to stroke Spike, not glancing at anything else but the smooth, rhythmic movements on the cat's orange fur. "I really shouldn't."

I sighed impatiently. "Is this about me being irresponsible again? Because, I swear I'm not anymore. Just tell me, and I'll be good, I'll even ask Father Dom for help, but either you're going to tell me, or you can get the hell out of – "

"It's for your safety." He cut me off, still refusing to meet my gaze.

"We've been over that before too. Screw my safety, who needs it anymore – "

"Susannah." His dark gaze finally met mine. There was a hard, commanding urgency in it. "This is not just some rampant ghost wanting revenge or their life back. This has to do directly with us, our emotions."

I could only think of one word: "What?"

"You'll find out soon enough." His eyes were hidden and secretive.

"Wait, why? Jesse, what are you possibly talking – "

A slight shimmer sparkled in the corner of my room, by the bathroom. It started off as a faint glimmer, but soon it took the shape of a female ghost no older than me. The green aura it gave off set my room in an eerie glow. It was dusk now, which made the girl stand out even more. She sported a dress, with a long, ruffled skirt and laced bonnet.

A flare of anger rose in me – she had just dropped in without so much as a warning. Her dark brown curls tumbled down her shoulders, while her dark eyes raked over me. A small, playful smile tugged at the corners of her full, pink lips, while mine were equally matched in a deep scowl.

"Susannah," Jesse said, placing a spitting and hissing Spike on the window seat and walking around to stand by this ghost. Only then was I aware of the striking resemblance; the way their faces were tanned and soft around the edges, their dark eyes that you could get lost in, and their wavy, thick hair.

"Meet my little sister, Josefina de Silva."


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N:** Hey guys. As you can see, I decided to continue this story. I have some plot ideas, and decided to write them down. The next chapter I'm really eager to write. And, school's out soon (YAY!), so more writing time!

Don't be mad at Jesse in this chapter, please. It all makes sense in later chapters (especially the 'Suze' part). Sorry for any grammar or spelling I missed.

**Please read and review!** It means a bunch to me, even if you don't think so.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Mediator series, or else Jesse and Suze would've been together the second we met them.

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Three

I couldn't speak. And I certainly had trouble breathing.

I literally just sat there in that hideous purple bathrobe on my bed, my legs helplessly dangling off of my bed, staring. Not only feeling out of place, but just staring at this little girl that Jesse claimed was his sister. She simply smiled at me, with teeth as pearly white as some of the shells on the Carmel Beach in front of my house.

"Hello, Susannah!" Josefina greeted in a velvety voice with a deep Spanish accent. Her bright and cherry tone was like glass breaking in my ears, disbelieving and sharp. This all didn't seem real.

But one thing I did know: this was _not_ just some silly coincidence. Josefina did not just decide to show up at a random moment in my bedroom.

So, it wasn't so surprising when I completely ignored her and shrieked at Jesse, "Your _sister_?"

Jesse nodded eagerly, but avoided my eyes when my gaze raked him over. I could feel guilt and shame dripping from his answer. "Yes. _Mi hermana menor_."

I stood up, my bare feet hitting the carpet beneath me. My legs wobbled from sitting for so long. Josefina's pretty face only wavered slightly when I barked at her, one finger shaking, "So, will I have to kick your butt back to the spectral plane or are we going to have a nice little chat with my fist instead?"

"Susannah!" Jesse gasped, appalled, and grabbed the wrist of the hand I held up to Josefina. He firmly placed it at my side, not letting go and stepping in between her and me. "Treat my sister with respect."

I gaped at him. Literally, my mouth dropped open. He never gave those types of scary, forceful orders, never to me. He always gave them to the ghosts who were being mean to… well…

To _me_.

I ripped my wrist out of his grasp, took two steps back, and folded my arms over my chest. "Frankly? I don't give a crap. And the name's Suze."

He looked as if a truck had hit him dead on the face. Which would be rather ironic, if you think about it, seeing as he would know what death was like. "_What_?"

"My name is Suze." I met his slit eyes with a piercing glare of my own. "Call me Suze, Jesse. You too, over there," I said, nodding my head as Josefina, who's concerned face popped over Jesse's right shoulder.

Jesse looked like he was about to protest, but quickly brought a hand up to wipe across his face. "Yes, I deserve this," I could've sworn I heard him mutter. But, just as I was about to ask him, Josefina cut in, her sweet Spanish tones drifting over Jesse's huge figure.

"Not to be any trouble to either of you, but could I speak to Suze?"

She used my chosen name like I wanted her to. _That_ had to be some kind of plus. So, I turned to Jesse and said, "Go on. You heard _tu hermana_." I knew I was being childish and annoying, with the Spanish mixing in with my English to mock him, but face it: Jesse _deserved_ this.

Think about it. He promised he loved me. Then he deserted me for many months without any contact. And then he shows up on my doorstep, not even to break up with me. To ask for my help with being a mediator and dealing with the spectral plane. No, to ask for _Father Dom's_ help.

I had every right to be, quite frankly, pissed. My anger from all those lonely months had only just caught up with me and bubbled to the surface. He had _no_ idea what was coming. If he thought that exorcised ghost Heather from two years ago was a threat, he hadn't met my wrath yet.

"Jesse can stay," Josefina softly said, contrary to my earlier tone. She smiled sweetly at her brother. He returned the gesture and took a seat on the window cushions, Spike hopping onto his lap once again after getting over the initial shock at another supernatural presence.

I mirrored his movements on my own bed, setting my body back where it was previously. "Okay. So, why are you on this earth, Josefina? What's holding you back from passing to the beyond?"

She wrinkled her nose, swinging her skirt like the eighteen-year-old girl she was from the middle of the room. A center stage. "I… don't know. I'm just here."

Okay, this was _not_ getting anywhere. "Care to elaborate?"

"Well… I died – "

"That much was obvious," I muttered under my breath.

" – and now I'm back. That's about as much as I can remember. Death is… weird. All I know is that I'm now a ghost, taking the shape of when I was eighteen. I guess it was my best year, right?"

Personally, I didn't care what happened to us after we died. But it seemed important to pay attention. Josefina didn't know why she was here, and this was the only chance to fix it.

"Suze." I turned to Jesse, sending a questioning glance at his cringing face. Then I remembered my earlier command to him, and quickly turned away, embarrassed for some unknown reason. His voice sounded weird saying the name I preferred with everyone except him. Even though I should have been happy that I got what I wanted – him to say my chosen name – it felt like a hollow and empty victory. "I don't… think you're going about this the right way."

"Then do tell what the right way is," I snapped.

Jesse turned to his sister, squaring his shoulders. "Josefina," he said, "please explain what you want to accomplish."

She nodded her head, curls bouncing, and sat down next to Jesse on the window seat. Spike hissed a little, but then relaxed into her gentle touch. They could have been on a Christmas card, the perfect sister and brother with their cat. Except for the fact that, well, one was dead, one was the living dead, and one was a vicious monster. Kind of tough to explain.

"I've been in the spectral plane all this time. And word has been going around there," Josefina started to explain. "Word about shifters, who can take the soul out of one body and put another in its place."

I could already see where this conversation was heading. She glanced at Jesse for support, and continued on. "And that got me thinking… could I get my life back? Could I finally get to live the life I always wanted with my older brother? He died way too young, you know," Josefina said, staring up at her big brother with admiration.

"Died young, yes, but lived dead for much, much longer. Which is an oxymoron, if you think about it." I really had to cut back on the sarcastic comments. Jesse was glaring at me, his features twisted in an unfamiliar way. I had never seen him like this in all my life: his face torn, as if he wanted to scream and rip his hair out in frustration at the same time. Because of me.

Josefina took a deep breath. "Of course, with the word of shifters getting around, your name was occasionally thrown in. You and Paul Slater. And I, of course, was aware after gazing down at you two that Jesse has close relations with you – "

Close. Yeah, _right_.

" – so I figured I could try to contact you and see if you could do the soul transference. I'm not picky about a body – I'd like it to be a little pretty, though – and if you could stick me in one, I could live with Jesse in his apartment near Cornell in New York. And, of course, have another chance at life."

I only retained one bit of information throughout the whole explanation: Jesse had an _apartment_?

I turned over to glare at Jesse, but strangely found his eyes averted from mine. Guilt was plainly written on his face… but for what? Leaving me? Bringing Josefina here?

Meanwhile, Josefina's eager face was turned towards me, awaiting an answer. Her brown eyes were alight with hope, her curved nose pointed upwards at the ceiling. It was times like these that I could barely see the greenish glow surrounding her, telling me that she was a ghost.

"Josefina," I tested, hearing her Spanish name on my English tongue once again, "I'd really love to help you out. No, really, I would. But, you see, soul transference is murder."

Jesse shivered at the sound of that word, but said nothing.

"So?" she prompted, acting like it wasn't a problem. Something _very_ wrong was going on. She seemed like a nice ghost, nicer than others I've met in the past. But, the way she spoke so indifferently about murder to give her life another chance… it was creepy and unnerving. I couldn't help myself from shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

"Murder is wrong," I finished weakly. If Jesse wouldn't back me up, my answers didn't hold any merit against his sister. I was losing before I even had a chance to explain myself.

"Please, Suze? Please?" Josefina pleaded, her hands clasped together in front of her chest like a poor beggar. "I could be really useful! Hey, guess what? I know all about the Civil War! I _lived_ through it! Need any help with American history? Hey, I'd even do your homework!"

Homework for a human life? Fair trade, my left foot.

"Suze." At first I had thought it was Josefina that had called by name, but it ended up being Jesse. Their voices were so similar, give or take a few octaves. "Just agree."

My anger flared at him. I would not – _definitely_ not – murder for my ex-boyfriend. Okay, so, technically he wasn't my ex, but he wasn't my boyfriend either. "Why? Why should I agree to kill?"

"Just do it." I could swear I heard his voice break as he buried his head in his hands, Spike still nestled against his stomach.

My set my jaw tight. It wasn't as if I _wanted_ to agree to murder someone, but the fact that I wanted to know what was going on with Jesse. He was definitely acting weird, and wanting me to kill. For his greedy sister. This was _not _typical Jesse de Silva. I mean, the last time I checked, he wanted me avoiding the seven sins, not damning myself to hell.

But I guess times changed. That was the probably the past, just like all of our memories. What had I to lose anyway? Nobody would know about the fact that some soul would go missing – maybe Paul Slater, but he promised to remain strictly out of my life. Jesse had already broken my heart. It seemed pretty impossible to feel another emotion besides sadness and depression, let alone guilt.

So, I probably made the worst – or best, depending on how you look at it – mistake of my life.

"Fine," I said in a clipped tone.

"Really, Suze? Really? For _real_?" Josefina abruptly stood up, her face alight with a brightness that would put any star to shame.

"If you ask me one more time, the answer will probably change," I grumbled while she pulled me off of my bed and into a tight hug. Her arms were short and barely reached around me.

But I wasn't looking at her. I was looking over Josefina's shoulder at Jesse, who still hadn't removed his head from his hands. What was going _on_ with him? When he pulled back, his face wasn't relieved as I expected it to be. It was troubled, and worry was plainly written in his brow.

When Josefina finally released me, my hands immediately went to my hair, trying to smooth it down again from where Josefina rumpled it. It was completely dry, with messy curls framing my sweating face. Need I remind my guests, but I was still in a bathrobe in the California heat.

"Thanks so much, Suze! You won't regret it! I'll be your best friend _ever _once I'm human again!"

And just like that, she was gone, with only an ecstatic smile implanted on my memory to remember her. I had almost forgot ghosts could disappear and appear whenever they wanted.

And I was alone with Jesse once again.

I walked over to my door, opened it, and gestured with my hand for him to leave. "Well, if you've done your duty – showing me Josefina and pushing me to agree to downright murder – then you can leave."

He was about to protest; I could see it in his eyes. But, at the last minute, he closed his mouth and decided with, "I have nowhere to go. I have to stick around until you transfer her."

"Well, you should have thought of that before you flew all the way out here," I snapped.

"I didn't think to, because…" Jesse simply shook his head, stood up off of the window seat, and dropped Spike in the process. That stupid cat didn't even hiss in protest like he did when _I_ dropped him. Purposefully, of course.

I sighed heavily. "There are a couple of motels in some towns over from Carmel, okay? Rent one there. I thought you knew this place street by street anyway. I didn't suppose you just sat around waiting for me to come home everyday, did you?"

His eyes were still turned downward. "I guess not," he answered flatly and defeatedly. Very un-Jesse-like.

I took steps toward him until he had to turn up to look me straight in the eye when he found himself staring down at my feet. "Call me when you're ready to go searching for a body for your precious sister. Strictly business, nothing else."

"Right. Nothing else." He nodded solemnly, a grimace planted on his face. As if this was causing _him_ pain, not me. Usually, he was the one ordering me around. How the tables had turned.

"Now can you get the hell out of here so I can actually get _changed_ after two hours in a _bathrobe_?" I gestured down at fuzzy purple material covering my body. It was limp and damp, hanging awkwardly off of my shoulder on one side. Bathrobes were meant to be bathrobes for a _reason_.

Jesse stepped around me, head turned down. At the doorframe, he stopped and gave me one last look, longing and sorrow in those dark pools most people called eyes. "Sorry, Suze," he whispered, and before I could ask what he meant, he was already out of the front door.

Leaving me in a purple bathrobe that I rather would not change out of if it meant he was still here.


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N:** Wow, thanks for the response for last chapter! It overwhelmed me and I am really grateful for you guys! :)

Anyway, sorry if I didn't keep CeeCee, Adam, or Paul in-character this chapter. If you'd like, you can think they grew up and are more sophisticated now. I'm really self-conscious of this chapter, and I'd love it if I could get some feedback. And don't freak out about the ending. Explanation coming.

**Please read and review!** Nothing makes my day more! :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Mediator series or it wouldn't have taken five stinking books for Jesse and Suze to get together.

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Four

"Look, Suze! Look at that girl over there! She's pretty. Do you know her? Ooh, or that one! She sort of looks like me, right?"

"Shut up and slow down, cowgirl," I growled, trying to control my growing temper. If I seriously had to put up with one more second of Josefina's girly squeals over which body to pick, I was going to kick her glowing ass back to the spectral plane. We had already been at the beach for two whole hours body searching, and her ghostly presence had stayed with me the whole time.

Squealing. In my sensitive ear.

"But, Suze, can't you see her? She's your age, and she looks perfect!" I turned my head not to look at whom she was pointing to, but to look at Josefina. She was strangely out of place at the beach, lying next to me in the sand, with her long ruffled skirt and neatly tied bonnet.

Why was I doing this again? Oh, right. Jesse made me.

"Let's get something straight," I said, making my features hard and stony. Her face looked a little disappointed, lips turned downward in a small pout. "We cannot just snatch bodies out from under everyone's noses. People are going to notice. We have to find someone who won't be missed."

"But they'll have me, so that would be better, right?"

Really, this girl was too full of herself for her own good.

I sighed and adjusted my black bikini, rolling onto my stomach. If Josefina wanted to go body hunting, the least I could do was get a nice tan while at it. "Loads of things. Just keep quiet and call me only when you find someone worthy, okay? This is a time called summer, when I am out of school for three blissful months. I don't expect to have you and Jesse ruin it."

I turned my head the other way facing the long expanse of Carmel beach, but her voice was like a boomerang, always coming back to me. "Well, if no one can see me, can I go off and roam a little bit? Check out the girls with nice boyfriends?"

Wow. She really was a cheater on her dead as a doornail husband. "No, you can't," I said in a clipped tone, thinking of Paul Slater. I still hadn't seen him outside of school, even though it had been a week. If Paul knew I was planning to do a soul transference – however I _was_ supposed to do it – he'd surely have me hanged. Or something.

"Why not?"

"Because. Just don't. Now shut up."

I could hear her let out a small huff next to my ear. And just as I was just about to close my eyes while the sun baked my skin and drift off to my wonderful dreams – most of them involving throwing daggers at Josefina on a target – I heard the soft pounding on sand of two sets of footsteps right next to my head.

"Suze, man! Hey, you there! You didn't tell us you were going to be at the beach today."

I groaned – not at the voice, but being woken – and opened my eyes to find Adam McTavish and CeeCee Webb wearing huge smiles above me, blocking the searing sun.

"Who're they?" Josefina asked, coming to life again – metaphorically speaking – but I ignored her.

"Hey CeeCee, Adam," I said, moving my towel over so they could lay theirs next to mine. "What's up?"

"You actually have the nerve to ask us that," CeeCee huffed, her white blond hair tucked in a braid, "when you said you'd spend every waking moment of every single day of the summer with us. And now, not a word for you in a week, and you're at the beach. Alone."

I sat up and glanced to my right, thinking of how wrong they were. Josefina was eyeing CeeCee with curiosity, a hungry look in her eye. I turned away from the middle member of the De Silva family – determined to not have anything to do with Jesse weighing me down from a good time – and smiled at CeeCee and Adam. "I've been busy," was the best excuse I could come up with.

"Oh, really, Yeah, right, Busy," Adam scoffed, lying back on his towel with one arm draped around CeeCee's shoulders. They had finally started dating – much to CeeCee's delight – right when Jesse started acting strange. A relationship formed as one broke. Go figure. "With what?"

"Things."

"Things," CeeCee repeated in a monotone, disbelieving voice.

"Yeah, things. It's been a little busy in the Ackerman household," I continued, lying through my teeth. In actuality, the past week was spent body searching with Josefina. So far, there were no acceptable candidates – in my opinion, anyway. On the other hand, I had been avoiding Jesse at all costs. Ignoring phone calls, declining invites to go hunting for a girl's body, not caring that he was staying at an old moldy hotel north of here.

"As in, Brad stealing the house to himself with Kelly Prescott?" Adam said. He was staring out into the sparkling ocean with a dreamy look on his face, one of pure happiness. Oh so contrary to mine.

"Sort of," I agreed, hoping to change the subject. "What have you guys been up to?"

"Oh, nothing much," CeeCee said, brushing her bangs back from her face. "Just hanging out at my house, his house."

"We did a lot more than hanging out." Adam winked and kissed CeeCee's temple, and she blushed a deep violet shade. My stomach boiled with jealousy – not for Adam, but for a happy relationship. I should have been 'hanging out' with a certain someone, but he was too busy trying to force me into murdering a poor, innocent soul.

Oh, relationships.

"That's great for you two." I grinned through my clenched teeth.

"Things not in boyfriend girlfriend heaven for you and Jesse?" CeeCee asked, rubbing some sunscreen on her pale face and arms. My best friend of two years could read my expressions easily and knew me way, way too well.

Despite that, I still had lied to her all too easily the past six months. It wasn't hard; with my near to depressed state, I hardly displayed any emotion. It was impossible not to be good at lying when in a half-broken state. But now, with my emotions rushing back in a hurry at seeing Jesse, it wasn't as easy to hide behind a blank façade.

"Well, he's still in New York. You know," I said, hoping she'd get the point that I was in no mood to talk about this by my indifferent tone.

"Liar," Josefina whispered in my ear venomously, but I ignored her.

She didn't. "Now when you go out to see him this year, you can visit me too at NYU! You _have_ to come. We'll have tons of fun."

Along with my lies had come the natural one that I occasionally visited Jesse on the weekends; it spared me some time for myself, free of CeeCee and Adam's nagging questions. The personal phone line I recently acquired did have its advantages.

Yeah. As if I flew cross-country to visit the boyfriend that broke my heart.

But I answered anyway, with, "Yeah, sure. Lots of fun." I forced a smile and laid back down on my stomach again.

I was about to go back to sleep with a quick, "Well, I'm incredibly tired and want a tan," but Josefina's high-pitched voice rang in my ear before I got the chance.

"She looks like a good body."

I whipped around to face Josefina. She was smiling slightly at my two best friends over my shoulder. I couldn't tell if it was the hot summer sun or something else that was making me sweat like crazy.

Realizing people would see me yelling at nothing if I blew up at Josefina right then and then, I turned back around to CeeCee and Adam who were staring at me like a was some kind of mental psycho. Oh, more than they ever knew.

"Hey, I've got to go to the bathroom, be right back." I waved at them, grabbed Josefina's arm, and dashed off to a secluded area behind the snack shack. It reeked of sizzling burgers and greasy fries, but the overhang kept us in shade from the hot sun.

Once I was absolutely sure no one was around, I hissed quietly, "What the _hell_ are you thinking?"

"That girl… the one you call CeeCee?" Josefina cocked her head, putting a nail to her curled, pink lips. Her brown curls bounced across her shoulders. "She looks good. To be my body."

"CeeCee Webb? No, no, no. You see, in this century, Josefina, CeeCee is known as a… a freak," I finished, fighting for any excuse to have her reject this idea of using CeeCee's body. "She's an albino. Gets teased a lot. Has to put up with me, which is some sort of torture in itself."

"But that Adam guy…" Josefina stared over my left shoulder as if he had just appeared over it. "He's cute. They're… an item, right?"

"Yes, but that's not the – "

"She's the one, then! You can even talk to her. It'd be easy! You already trust each other. I'm sure Jesse would agree." Her deep brown eyes seemed to glow at the thought of finally finding a body. But I'd never let her take CeeCee. Never.

"I'm sure Jesse wouldn't agree," I continued. It was times like these when my stubbornness came in handy. "I'm absolutely positive he wouldn't." Lying seemed to be my forte these days.

Josefina put one hand on her hip as her lips turned downward into a pout. This seemed to be her signature move: a frown and dissatisfied stance. "But that guy is _hot_."

"You can't ruin my best friend's soul for a guy," I said. I learned that the hard way a year ago with Paul Slater. The body was right, the soul was wrong. And even if it were the right soul, the body would seem incredibly out of place.

And otherwise, Adam McTavish wasn't as dumb as he looked. He had grown up in the past year, and would surely notice something off with CeeCee if Josefina took her place. My best friend meant the world to Adam, and I couldn't just sell her soul to an ungrateful cowgirl because my ex wanted me to.

I would never, ever do that.

"No, Josefina, no," I said. "And that's final. I won't. Find another one, but not CeeCee Webb. Definitely not CeeCee."

"Another what?" I heard a voice, way too familiar for my liking, ring over my shoulder. It was a voice that used to be part of my nightmares, used to be one that would send shivers up my spine. But now? It just put terror in my gut.

Because Paul Slater wasn't my favorite person in the world in this situation.

I whipped around and came face to face with him, clad in nothing more than a red bathing suit and sunglasses perched on his head. His brown curly hair had streaks of blond in it, no doubt from the California sun. His icy blue gaze met my green one, and we were locked in a stare down. I was hoping he wouldn't notice the ghost behind me, but no avail.

"What were you talking about with this lovely young lady?" Paul stepped around me to stand beside Josefina. She smiled, big and dazzling, and batted her eyelashes so hard I could almost hear them. Josefina had to know that this was _the_ Paul Slater, most talked about in the spectral plane.

"You can see me, too?" she asked, playing along. Because, no, Paul just came up to a random space of air and started talking to it like meeting it for the first time. Right. You're a genius, Josefina de Silva.

"Suze hasn't told you?" he asked, raising one eyebrow up his huge forehead. It was a move that had girls swooning over him in a heartbeat.

"Oh, stuff it," I cried at Josefina. If looks could kill, I'd be thrice times dead by now. "She knows who you are. She knew who _I _was, for God's sake. You're talked about, Paul. She knows you can see her."

Josefina's gaze shifted to me, but only for a second. "But she still hasn't told me too much about this world in the twenty first century. You know Paul Slater, yes?"

"Unfortunately," I grumbled, deciding to just shut up and play along, while Paul shot me a disdainful look. We were on good terms for the past year, but all that was appearing to crumble with one 1850s girl.

"Can I ask your name?" Paul interrupted, turning his attention back to Josefina, who smiled widely at his gaze. It was hard to remember that she was from a different time period than us when she was swooning over Paul Slater like every other girl in this century. Every other girl except me.

"Me? I'm Josefina de Silva."

At 'de Silva', Paul immediately turned his gaze to me. It was fierce and questioning, but I only answered with a simple shrug. If he ever found out about what I was going to do, he'd probably turn me into a juvenile criminal center for mediators. So I just kept quiet while he answered with, "Nice to meet you."

While the ghost girl looked on with a bedazzling smile, Paul turned to me and murmured, "I don't think this is a coincidence."

"What if it is?" I challenged him, whispering all the same.

He seemed to realize that conversation would elevate to a lot of screaming – mostly on my part – and turned to Josefina and said, "Hey, could you go hang out with some other ghosts for a while? I have to talk to Suze alone. Look, there's Betsy, the dead lifeguard, over there. She's been lonely for a while, and I bet she'd love to talk to someone."

"Sure! See you later, Paul, Suze! Hey, Betsy, remember me? Josefina?" she called as she scampered off around the snack shack, skirts ruffling and curls bouncing. The epitome of a Spanish sweetheart.

Once we were sure she was completely gone, Paul turned on me, his eyes questioning and holding another emotion I couldn't identify. I was getting worse at reading people's expressions day by day. "That was truly touching, the way you talked about Betsy," I said, rolling my eyes.

He ignored me and said, "So… choosing to help a De Silva?"

"Oh, just stop, Paul," I said. He looked ready to start a full-blown argument, but, instead, he just held up his hands up in a surrender position and took a step back. The defensive and slightly argumentative look in my eyes must have given it away.

"What? I'm not asking anything. Just curious as to why."

"Well, the 'why' isn't any of your business. So just go back to the beach and enjoy the summer like you should be."

Paul sighed and lowered his voice, stepping closer to me as to not be overheard. "Look, Suze. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to tell you something that I think has to do with Josefina being here."

And, with those last words, the emotion I couldn't read in his eyes like ice crystals came free: worry. He was worried about something. Something that had to do with him that, consequently, had to do with me. And Josefina. Which also meant it had to do with Jesse.

This conversation didn't seem to be heading in a happy-go-lucky direction.

"Okay, Paul, just spit it out," I said. I didn't feel like beating around the bush with codes and crypts today as Jesse had did last week. My temper was greatly shortened from dealing with the impossible Josefina de Silva, and I didn't need it to go off sooner than it needed to.

Paul took a deep breath, put his hands on my shoulders, and spit it out, much to my astonishment.

"I brought Maria de Silva back from hell. And she might be the reason Josefina's here."


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! It means a lot to me. By the way, check my profile for some updates on how this story is going to run, when it's going to be finished, etc.

Well, enjoy this chapter, with some JS! :)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Mediator. Meg Cabot does.

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Five

"You know, out of all the stupid things you've done in your life, Paul Slater, I'd have to say _that_ sounds the dumbest."

Hey, I said it in the nicest possible way I could. Because, seriously. If you're worst enemy came up to you and said he brought the murder-crazy ex-girlfriend of your ex-boyfriend back to life, you'd be pretty freaked.

Paul finally removed his hands from my shoulders and rubbed them over his eyes instead. "I know, I know," he said. Remorse was dripping from his voice.

"How the hell did you manage to do that?" I asked in disbelief. The last time I had checked, there was no plausible way to rescue a damned soul from the underworld. If it were possible, I'd assume we'd have a lot more evil, cynical ghosts running around the world.

"Promise you won't be mad at me?" Paul's icy blue gaze bore into mine. He was trying to convince me, trying to find a way to avoid my wrath. Even though I didn't have an exact reason to be mad at him right now, I knew I would be angry by the end anyway.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine. I said _fine_, Paul. I'll just listen, okay?" My wide green eyes hopefully looked completely innocent.

He sighed once, exasperated and loud. "Okay. Well," he gave me one long look, "it's quite a lengthy story."

"Paul," I started warningly, "tell me the story now or I will strangle you with my bare hands, no restrictions." Seriously. Hell, even murder-loving Josefina could do it for all I cared at the moment.

"Okay! Jeez, Simon. Chill out." Paul took a deep breath and ran a hand through his curly brown hair. "Remember back when Jesse was exorcized and you went up into the shadowland to rescue him?"

I nodded my head. How could I forget? It was the one pivotal moment in our relationship. Just a few days after, he kissed me. I often thought back on that moment in the few lonely months I had with my mind. Would I have done anything differently? If I knew how bad he would hurt me, would I still have kissed him?

Of course. I would never take it back.

"Anyway," Paul continued, "after, I was incredibly pissed. I mean, you two just left me up there with a bloody nose. I wanted to do something that would piss you off just as bad as you pissed me. I was still quite in lust with you back then, Suze."

He sighed, once again rubbing one hand over his face. I stayed still as a statue, just listening. "And then, I saw her. Maria de Silva. She just appeared up in the shadowland, along with some other lost souls banished to purgatory. I had known her from Jack, known she was an enemy of yours. And, I came up with the perfect way to get you back."

Terror seized my gut. "No," I whispered, but he continued to say what I knew he would confirm anyway.

"I grabbed Maria's hand and transported back to earth."

I was just about ready to burst out in fury at him. He brought Maria de Silva _back to life_? After we had finally banished her evil soul to hell, where I had hoped she'd spend the rest of eternity? All these years, it seemed, I'd lived in false security. I felt the protectful walls start to crumble before Paul explained the rest.

"She, of course, was only too eager to go after you two and kill you with her bare hands." Paul shuddered a little, as if remembering a terrible nightmare. "But I told her to stay. I told her that she couldn't go too soon. There'd be too many questions, and I told her she'd want to lure you two into thinking she really was banished to hell."

Paul shook his head a little. "I told her to roam earth for a little while longer, told her to bide her time. She agreed, saying she'd avoid mediators and shifters at all costs, keep herself alive."

"Oxymoron," I muttered, but he ignored me.

"Maria had kept herself on the down low for the past couple years. I hadn't heard from her, so after I had finally made… peace, with you, Suze, I just hoped some shifter caught her and exorcized her back to hell."

Paul shrugged. "Of course, that's what I believed. So, it came a surprise to me when six months ago, she showed up at my doorstep again."

Six months ago. The same time Jesse started to ignore me. Somehow, this didn't seem coincidental. Not in the least.

"She said she was fading." Paul put one hand to his forehead, as if fighting off a fever. "She said she needed a body. And I had to agree, Suze. She was unworldly, she could do something to me in my sleep if I didn't give her what she wanted."

I slightly nodded. This had to be a situation similar to the one Jesse was in.

"So… I chose a girl. She was suited to be Maria's body. So I just tossed the soul out and put Maria in. She was doing fine, getting along with the locals. The girl I picked wasn't very hard to impersonate. She barely had a brain. Maria fit in fine, and I saw her everyday, keeping her close to me, so she wouldn't do anything crazy."

Yeah. Because Maria de Silva in a body wasn't dangerous or life threatening to anyone in particular. Ahem, ahem.

"Turns out, she was a shifter, just like Jesse when he got into his body. And I feared this. Because she had out of this world powers. She had the potential to bring back the entire de Silva line."

And, suddenly, I knew where this was heading. Oh, I knew _exactly_ where this was heading.

"And now," Paul said, finally lifting his gaze to mine for the first time in the conversation, "I find you with a member of the de Silva clan. You explain what she wants, and I explain my theory."

Damn Paul Slater. He played dirtier than a wet dog.

"Well," I began, "Josefina wants another chance at life. She wants to be alive again, so she wants me to do a soul transfer." So what if I left the part about Jesse out? It wasn't as if Paul had to know. He, like everyone else, knew Jesse went to medical school in New York at the beginning of last year. He certainly didn't need to know he was back.

"And what did you say?" Paul crossed his arms over his chest. I knew he was looking for me to be the obvious worst person in this situation. Au contraire, Paul Slater. Nothing's worse than bringing the living devil back from the dead.

"No, of course," I lied. "I'm not that dumb." Paul really didn't need to know what I was going to do. Hell, it'd be the worst thing to happen right now. I would find a way around. Josefina was already bugging me to death. One time in the middle of the night, I was probably going to blindly exorcise her and call it sleepwalking.

Paul gave me a skeptical look, but continued on anyway. "Listen, Suze. I think Maria's planning to bring the de Silvas back to life. I don't know why she picked Josefina first, or what type of revenge she's going for, but she's a shifter now, so she's equally matched with us."

"I'll be careful." I nodded and looked around. Josefina was, thankfully, still off by Betsy. They seemed to be talking animatedly – or, at least Josefina was. Betsey was standing by the lifeguard chair, leaning into the side, staring off into the ocean with a bored expression on her face.

I sighed and put my hands on my hips. "Just keep an eye on Maria, okay? Make sure she's not making any midnight trips to the spectral plane. I'll figure everything out soon enough."

He shrugged. "Fine. See you." And as he started walking back around the snack shack the way he came, and as I started heading over to Josefina, I remembered one important detail of the story Paul failed to mention.

"Hey, Paul!" I called, and he stopped in his tracks with a quizzical look on his tanned face. "Who's the girl Maria's soul is in?"

"Kelly Prescott," he called back, turned around, and walked off like everything was fine in the world, right when it was toppling down for me.

* * *

Damn Paul Slater to the fiery pits of hell.

What was he _thinking_ putting Maria de Silva into Kelly Prescott's body? What was he thinking putting her there when my brother Brad had a major crush on her? And what was he thinking even when he knew that Maria knew Brad was my brother?

Finding out your mortal life was in danger for the past six months is kind of scary. Brad's been dating Kelly for that amount of time, and she's been over quite a lot. It was just like Paul said, though. I couldn't notice a difference, because Kelly barely had a personality. It probably was a snap for Maria to imitate.

Muttering to myself, I jammed my key into the lock of the house and turned. I entered the foyer, setting my keys down on the table by the door and heading towards the kitchen. That's, of course, when I found someone I didn't particularly _want_ to see at the moment.

"Hey, David," I said, ruffling his hair. He had a major growth spurt in the past year, shooting up around five inches. His freckles had started to fade, but those springy red curls and glasses stayed.

"Hi Suze," he greeted, following me around like a little puppy as I made my way to the refrigerator. Orange juice seemed like a good idea at the time. "Why are you frowning?"

"I'm not frowning," I said, but purposefully twisted my features into a neutral stance anyway.

"That's good," David said, "because frowning can lead to early wrinkles, and I'm pretty sure you don't want that."

I turned around to face the kid. He looked hopeful, so I gave him a small smile and said, "Yeah. I definitely don't." David had cut back on the hardcore facts lately, finally learning what the term 'silence is golden' meant.

"Oh, and someone came to the door for you a couple minutes ago," David said. I reached into the refrigerator – it was probably CeeCee or Adam anyway – and poured a glass of orange juice. I had left the beach without so much of a word to them, just grabbing my bag, towel, and Josefina's hand and making my back to the house.

I had told Josefina to go to a nearby boardwalk and check out some prospects. Now that Paul Slater knew about her, it was safer to let her wander. I just made her promise not to tell anyone about the soul transference, and she was only too happy to oblige in return for freedom.

"Who?" I asked, but with a lack of enthusiasm as I took a drink.

"Jesse," he replied simply. I almost coughed up my orange juice. Why did Jesse want to see me? I had told him we were working on the body hunting, and Josefina spent every night in his motel room. Why had he shown up at my doorstep then?

"Did you send him away?" There was an undeniable pleading in my voice. I was in no mood to see Jesse, period. He had caused the heartbreak, and just when I numbed it, he was bringing it back full force again.

David shrugged. "I told him to come back later, but he insisted he stay and wait for you to get home. He's up in your room."

Of course. Ex-boyfriend shows up, and you show him straight to his ex-girlfriend's room. I was seriously questioning David's intelligence at the moment.

"Okay, fine. Thanks, David," I grumbled, leaving my glass in the kitchen sink and heading to my room. The plan? To kick Jesse out and tell him to never come back. Ever.

As I started towards my room, I could hear Spike's purrs from down the hall. No wonder what Jesse was doing in there. Rolling my eyes, I turned the doorknob to my room…

And found it locked.

"Open the door, it's my own room!" I cried, pounding on the exterior. There was no response from the inside, only a clicking noise and the knob being released. I tried the door again and stepped inside my room, only to come face to face with Jesse de Silva.

"Susannah," he breathed, his dark eyes alight with something I couldn't read. He was wearing long pants, even though it had to be ninety degrees out, and a T-shirt that clung nicely to his abdominals. Not like I noticed.

And he was holding Spike. Surprise, surprise.

"Jesse," I said, drawing up to almost match his height. I was still about four inches shorter, even if I extended my spine, but it made me seem more confident, and not shaky like I felt on the inside.

He stepped aside so I could make my way into my own room. I stopped by my bed, tossed my beach bag and towel on it, and kicked my flip-flops off. Then I headed over to the window seat and sat on the far left. "Why are you here?" I asked him.

Jesse closed the door again, locked it, and sat down on the right side of the window seat. I was a little uncomfortable – seeing that I really, _really_ wanted to hate him at the moment – and his close proximity had strange effects on me.

"Because I want to be," he answered simply, and, if I didn't know better, my face would have probably flushed. But, I did know better, and just stared at him with blank eyes.

"Jesse," I started, "cut the crap. You're here because of Josefina. You're not here because of me. If you _were_ here because of me, you wouldn't have ignored me, or burned my letters, or – "

"You think I burned your letters?" He laughed a little, stroking Spike's orange fur some more. How I wished I could cut out that cat's vocal cords for good. "You honestly think that?"

"Well, you certainly didn't read them, or bothered to reply," I snapped.

He shook his head a little, that sad and solemn expression taking over his features once again. "Susannah," he said, "I wish I could tell you that I ignored you because I wanted to."

"Well, damn right – I… wait, _what_?" Jesse hadn't _wanted_ to ignore me? Well, then, what the _hell_ was his beef? He was mean, he broke my heart, and now he tells me he didn't _want_ to do it?

"If you're going to use the excuse of schoolwork," I said, remaining completely composed, "you can just toss it and say you ignored me because you wanted to break my heart. You didn't love me anymore. Just say it, so that I'll know." My voice cracked on the last few words, and I was incapable of meeting his gaze any longer. I glanced down at the carpet.

I felt a warm touch on my hands and saw Jesse's big hand curling around my own two. "I couldn't say that because it would be so, so far from the truth. I don't like lying."

I finally glanced at him, and he was wearing a sad expression, the saddest I had ever seen on his face, sadder than the time he left for medical school. I wanted to trust what he said, I wanted to believe what he said was true. But I knew I couldn't, just like I couldn't believe all the false 'I love you's a year ago.

"Jesse, how could I believe anything you tell me now?" I cried, dangerously on the verge of tears. And, if you need reminding, I _hate_ crying. "How can I believe what you say, when everything before was just a big lie? How could you expect me to believe it? How?"

"Please, Susannah," he said, and I noticed he wasn't calling me Suze anymore. "Please, you just need to put your trust in me. It could cost your life if I told you what I know, why I've been ignoring you, so please just trust me."

I had never really seen Jesse beg before, and a good reason for it, too. His voice was laced with desperation, a tone that I had never known before in his voice. He seemed close to breaking down, all confidence evaporated. It was scary, to know the one hard rock in your life was really nothing more than a marshmallow.

"I…" I started, but I really wasn't sure what I was going to say. It didn't matter anyway, because at that moment, Josefina decided to pop into my room, standing before us with a huge smile on her face. Jesse pulled back his hand immediately. Then she started to speak in a perky voice.

"Hey guys! Did I miss anything?"

Oh, Josefina, you missed more than you'd ever know.

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**A/N: **Reviews are to me as Jesse is to Suze :)


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, favorites! It means a lot to me!

But, gosh, I have no idea where this chapter came from. It was random, it was dumb, it was… really pointless. And I just couldn't seem to get it right.

So, here you go, I hope you like it more than I do!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Mediator, and I'm kinda glad I don't. Because then I accidentally might've gave Josefina a personality that's totally not canon to this fanfic. But, whatever!

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This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Six

Why had my life suddenly become so complicated?

Seriously. It used to be pretty simple – as simple as a mediator's, shifter's, whatever's life could be. I mean, I had a system back in New York: go to school, kick some ghost butt, get brought home by the police, go to sleep. And start all over again the next day.

But when I moved to Carmel with my mom, I met Jesse de Silva. And that, my friends, is where everything started to screw up.

If I hadn't met Jesse, then I would probably be going through the same routine I always had, minus the police – they were a little more resilient here. But, now that I know Jesse, I have to run around trying to find Kelly Prescott, also known as Maria de Silva, in a packed movie theater, when I should be enjoying my summer on a beach with friends.

No, I am not kidding.

I shoved my way through the growing crowd of people into the concession line, which was so long it reached the front doors of the movie theater. Apparently, there was some big movie premiere going on here at Carmel Cinemas, and I was caught right in the middle of the confusion. Not willingly, of course.

Just before I had heard the front door slam in our house this morning, I grabbed Brad's sleeve and asked where he was going. I was being extra careful to keep track of him at all times. Surprisingly, for the past three days, he hadn't seen Kelly-slash-Maria – or so he told me. But, a stroke of luck struck me somewhere in the karmatic universe today.

"Hey, Brad, where to?" I had asked, speaking a language that even a gorilla could comprehend.

He tugged his arm out of my grasp. "To the movies," he answered simply, sending me a glare. "Why are you so curious?"

I just shrugged my shoulders, hopefully looking like an innocent little girl. Oh so contrary. "Just wondering if you were going out with Kelly."

He narrowed his eyes at me. If there was ever a time where Brad had looked most like a fish, or prehistoric creature, it was now, with that ugly grimace. "Yeah, I am. Now get off my case, Simon, and let me leave."

Oh, yeah. Brad was just a cup full of sunshine this morning.

I felt a tug on the sleeve of my black jacket back in present time and turned to see Jesse running one hand through his hair. He was staring back at the huge mass of people with an astonished expression on his face. "_Nombre de Dios._ What is this madness, Susannah?"

"A movie premiere. Get used to it." I shrugged him off. Okay, so, sue me, but I was going on a 'date' with Jesse. Not a real one. Just a fake one. Because I really, _really_ needed to exorcise Maria out of Kelly and get the right soul back in that body as soon as possible. And attacking Kelly's house one night with a baseball bat wasn't a very good solution.

And anyway, if Brad ran into us at the movies, he would probably think I was some stalker-freak for following him. So, Jesse was my cover. Of course, Brad didn't know Jesse was back in town, but that just made it all the better to pull off the quick excuse.

The plan Exorcise Maria was a little more complicated, seeing as Jesse didn't know Maria was in Kelly's body. I wanted to dump him off at a movie – he thought we were going body hunting – and then grab Kelly, drag her off into the girls' bathroom, and exorcise her right then and there.

Good plan, right? Wrong. Jesse was sticking to my side like glue, taking the whole 'date thing' too seriously. He wouldn't even get a damn bucket of popcorn if I didn't go with him! Which leaves me to stand in the concession line with him. God, why does he have to be so protective?

Men. _Seriously_.

"But… they're so wild," he said into my ear as a teenager with five drinks and three orders of nachos rushed past us.

"Point being? This is California, Jesse. I thought you'd be used to it by now, especially after living in hustling and bustling New York for all this time." I could feel my breath shortening and voice choking up just by thinking that he had an apartment and kept it hidden from me. I took a single deep breath to steady myself.

"So, what movie are we seeing?" he asked when we finally reached the cashier.

"The one everyone's here for," I answered, handing over some money for the two popcorns and turning to face him. "That's where… all the girls are. Right. So, let's go."

I grabbed the popcorn from the counter, held one out for Jesse, and continued shoving through the crowded movie theater. If anyone thought New York City on Christmas Eve was crowded, they never went into a movie theater in Carmel on the day of a long-awaited movie premiere.

"Theater two?" Jesse read from his ticket stub. "Where's that?"

"Just follow me," I said briskly and walked faster, hoping to lose him. After his little half-confession a few days ago, I took to distancing myself further. Hopefully, it would trigger him to say whatever he was obviously holding in. So far, no avail, especially with this fake date we were on. If anything, I seemed clingier for asking _him _to go with _me_.

As we entered the movie theater, I gasped a little in surprise. Because I hadn't expected it to be _this_ crowded. The only seats were in the very front row, the kind where you had to tilt your head up to the ceiling in order to see the screen. The rest of the theater was completely full. If I didn't know better, I would call it an underwater group of tightly packed sardines.

"Up front," I whispered, and Jesse followed me to the front row, where we took seats next to each other. We tilted our heads upward and watched at the previews flickering across the screen. Well, Jesse was watching them. I, on the other hand, was looking for the chosen target.

There were a few other people that sat in our row. And, luckily for me, two of them happened to be Brad and Kelly.

I sat through the first few previews – advertising for some stupid movie about a girl who kicked ghosts' butts on a daily basis, as _if _– until the movie started. I figured it was now or never with the exorcism, so I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder.

God, was Paul Slater going to have to pay me for this.

I nudged Jesse and whispered, "Be right back." I could tell he was about to protest, but I slipped out of my seat before he could even open his mouth. Ducking as to not disturb any viewers from their beloved movie, I scooted around the bend at the end of our row, making sure to keep my face hidden with the black hood I wore.

Kelly was on the end of the aisle – thank _God_ – and I went up to her, crouched down beside her seat, and whispered, "Hey, remember me? It's Meghan Johnson! I just graduated with you last week, you know?"

Okay, yeah. I was totally making it up in a high-pitched squeaky voice that I expected Meghan Johnson would have. I couldn't tell her that I was Suze Simon – she would never, _ever_ follow me if that were the case. But Maria, seeming to think playing the part of Kelly meant being totally naïve, went, "Oh, yeah! Hey, Meg! What's… um, up?"

I could sense the skepticism in her voice, so I said, "Nothing much. Hey, I've got this major fashion emergency. Could you, like, come to the bathroom with me? My boyfriend just dumped me, and, like, mascara's running down my face and all – "

"Oh, of course!" Maria turned to Brad, whispered something, handed him her popcorn, and stood up to follow me out of the theater.

Phase one: check.

I continued to keep my head down, and it was a mighty good thing that Maria was too stumped for words at the moment – I think my voice would have shook. We just walked out into the main lobby in silence, turning into the girls' bathroom as soon as I saw it. It was big, with a sink area larger than my room, and ugly pink tiles dotting the walls. Perfect place for an exorcism.

"So, let's see the damage done, Meg," Kelly said once inside, moving to remove the hood from my face.

"I don't think that's the best idea. It's pretty hideous." I made sure Maria was blocked into the corner of the bathroom before I even considered revealed my true identity. I could feel the weight of the exorcism supplies in the backpack strapped around my torso. Jesse had chided me in bringing it here, but now I was ever so thankful he hadn't made me give it up.

Because, now I removed my hood.

I could almost feel the small hiss of breath that Maria let out of her perfectly plumped – and stolen – lips. Actually, it could have very well been my imagination, since she regained her composure rather quickly and chirped, "Suze! Oh, hey, Suze! I must've heard your name wrong in the movie theater!"

Her voice was high and tinny. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was… nervous? Surprised? Psychotic?

"You didn't." Keep her going, thinking I didn't know she was Maria. That was the only plan at the moment. I hadn't really figured out exactly what to do once inside the bathroom, and armed myself only a rope in addition to my exorcism supplies, which were hidden in my backpack. But I doubted a rope could tie down a fighter like Maria.

"But I'm pretty sure I did! How could I mistake Meg for you, Suze? How could I?"

God, did she _have _to speak in exclamation points? I dropped my backpack onto the bathroom floor and started searching through it. I knew I had some rope hidden between the candles and chicken blood… _some_where…

"I don't think you did, Maria."

And I stopped searching. A fear so tight and gripping spread through my entire body. Why had I just used Maria's name accidentally, _why_? Dumb, stupid, idiotic me. Somehow, someway, I found the strength to tip my head upward and meet Maria's gaze.

However, she didn't seem shocked or scared or fearing for her stolen life. She seemed… _smug_. That look had taken over Kelly's face, and I couldn't help but feel that it was more venomous when Maria made it happen, rather when Kelly would make fun of someone in school.

"So. Who tipped you off?" she said in a voice that was void of all previous sugar and sweetness. It was low and raspy – Maria's signature tone – and sent more fear shivering down my spine.

"I'm not telling." Still keeping my eyes on her, I felt around in my bag with my right hand. The rope skimmed the tips of my fingers, and I reached forward to get a firm hold on it.

So, she wouldn't be going down easy, would she? Then, by force it would be.

She took one step forward, closer to the door, her back against the countertop of sinks. I stood up, rope tightly clenched into a ball in my fist, and moved to stand across from her. "It was Paul. I _know_ it was Paul. He's the only one," Maria said, flipping Kelly's blond hair behind her shoulders.

"Josefina knows," I challenged. "I _know_ you brought her back. I know you did, Maria. I have a theory worked out. And I'm pretty sure it's right."

"Do pray tell what this theory is?" she spat. I could tell she was inching closer and closer to the door. If I could just aim a quick kick at her gut and get her hands linked behind her back…

"You're going to bring back the de Silva line. One, by one, by one."

And you know what she did next? She _laughed_. Threw her stolen little plastic Barbie head back and cackled like the witch she was. Was she _scared_ that I knew her theory? Oh, no, no, _no_. She found it funny.

I should've _known_ not to trust Paul by now!

"You… you think that I'm trying… trying to bring back all of Jesse's little… _bitch_ sisters?" Maria gasped, laughing through her words.

"Maybe, maybe not. I only know that you're up to no good. But what else is new?" She took another quick side step to the door. Now I was in front of the bathroom stalls, not the single exit. Perfectly perfect.

"I could be up to no good," she said, "or I could just be here getting another chance at life in this body. What was her name? Ah, yes. Kelly Prescott, resident dumb-ass of the class of two thousand and whatever."

My fists curled even farther into themselves, nails digging into my palms. No matter how much I didn't like the soul that once owned that body, Maria was much, much worse. Kelly at least deserved some respect while she floated around in the spectral plane, lost and confused.

The rope was still in my fist, but I barely took notice of it in this heated discussion. "Shut up, Maria. You killed someone completely innocent, just for your own gain."

She threw her head back and cackled. It echoed across the wide bathroom, reverberating back and forth until it was the only sound I could hear. It was weird that the evil laugh registered in my head, a little bell dinging 'Maria de Silva, Maria de Silva!', while I was looking at Kelly's body.

It didn't fit. Not one bit.

"Paul Slater killed Kelly. Paul Slater is the murderer. All I had to do was sweet-talk him a little, and I was in. Piece of pie."

My hands were shaking with rage, and I kept my head turned towards the ground. The floor tiles of the bathroom were a sickly green color, reflecting how I actually felt inside. "It's cake," I whispered, my voice low, dangerous, and shaking.

"What? Speak up, Simon, can't exactly hear you over here!" she screeched, sticking her head out farther and cupping one hand over her ear.

"The expression is a piece – of – cake!" I whipped out the rope and cracked it like a whip towards Maria. It lashed at Maria's arm, and she stumbled backward with a small cry, rubbing her burned arm. Regaining composure rather quickly, she dashed out of the bathroom door. I followed closely behind.

Once outside, Maria came to a sudden halt. The bustling crowd was completely gone, every single person now watching the movie premiere – she seemed to have forgotten that. So Maria just stood outside the bathroom door, and when I came bursting out, ready for a full-on wrestling match right then and there, Maria's lips curled into a heavy smirk.

"Do anything to me, and they'll _all_ come to my aid," she whispered.

I stopped, bringing the rope back down to my side. Because she was completely right. Even though all the moviegoers were in a theater watching the premiere, she was right. There were still a few staff members joking behind the concession stand and selling tickets in a ticket booth. Credible witnesses if I performed an illegal movement.

Besides, I was dressed in full black baggy clothes – _the_ stereotype for a thug – and it would certainly look like I was beating up a pretty blond girl that I was jealous of, not the psycho murderer ex-girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend. Murder was against the law.

But when did the law ever apply to me?

"Too bad, Maria," I whispered, "because you are going back to the hellhole you came from. Today." And with that, I slipped an arm around her dainty, fragile shoulders and got a firm grip. Then I sped off at a slight run, dragging her behind me, to the nearest corner. She struggled a little bit, but years of kicking ghost butt paid off on my end. When a closet with a 'Staff Only' sign on it came into view, I made a dash for it and slipped in with Maria by my side.

"Too easy," I sing-songed while shutting the door with a click.

"You… you _bitch_," Maria spat. I was blocking the door, so she was backed into a corner, almost tripping over a bucket when I turned on the light.

"And, now, prepare to be…" A frightening realization gripped my stomach. I had forgotten my backpack in the bathroom. I had Maria locked up in a secretive area, where no one would hear hell's demons cry for release, and I had forgotten my backpack. _With_ all the tools for the exorcism.

Maria seemed to realize this too, since she called, "Don't have something in particular?" in a very irritating voice.

"Shut _up_," I growled, planning to hold the captive here as long as I could, exorcism or not. Josefina would show up soon, and, maybe if I pleaded, she would help.

Yeah, _right_. I was being way optimistic.

A soft knock sounded from the door behind me, and my muscles froze up and locked.

"Susannah?"

I stopped panicking at the sound of the voice. A voice I knew _all_ too well. Maria was looking over my shoulder with an amused expression on her face, completely masking the evil one she wore before.

I turned around, slowly turning the knob. I was scared of what I'd see, and I certainly didn't fail me. Because Jesse de Silva was standing in the doorway with a confused expression on his face.

"Susannah, what are you doing to Kelly?" He looked back and forth from the rope at my side, to the wound on Maria's arm, and back to me. And I just stood there. Because, seriously, how could I defend myself without giving away the huge secret that the girl in front of me wasn't really Kelly, but, rather, his ex-fiancé?

I could have easily told him about Maria and had him help me with the whole ordeal. He could have gone and got my backpack, and we could exorcise Maria like we did last time. But if I told him, he wouldn't do that. He would run to Father Dominic, chastise me for going after the devil alone, and tell Josefina the fabulous news – that a worthy body was available in the 'Staff Only' closet of Carmel Cinemas, free of charge.

No. Telling Jesse was out.

Maria, on the other hand, seemed to notice that Jesse had used 'Kelly'. And by the look on her face, I knew she planned to use that to her advantage. "Oh, Suze," she said in that sugary sweet voice again, "you didn't tell your _darling_ boyfriend?"

Jesse shot a skeptical look at Maria, came into the room all the way, and shut the door behind him. "Susannah, what's going on?"

Maria cackled a little. It would simply sound like a normal laugh to anyone who didn't know the living devil was inside. "Nothing," I answered. "Nothing's going on. I'm just talking to Kelly. Haven't seen her in a while."

"In a staff closet?" Jesse shook his head. "You've missed the first forty-five minutes of the movie, Susannah. I thought it was about time to search for you. And it was so horrible that I couldn't stand to sit through another hour. But that is not the point."

"Jesse's completely right, Suze," Maria said, turning to me with a devilish grin on her face. She was going to tell. She was going to tell Jesse that she was Maria. I didn't know what that was going to accomplish, but apparently something important to her. "Go ahead. Tell him what you know."

I didn't move. I couldn't move. It would give away _something_ to Jesse – he was observant like that. And, I was still holding the ground that I was having a nice friendly schoolgirl-to-schoolgirl chat with Kelly Prescott, not trying to exorcise Maria de Silva.

"You won't tell him?" Maria took one step forward to Jesse, and he backed up a little against the door. "Fine then, Suze – "

"Shut _up_, Maria!" I screeched, and then realized the error of my actions. I clasped my hands over my mouth and emitted a little squeak. But it was a little too late for anything to cover up my actions. Because Jesse heard me loud and clear. And his perplexed expression was my only hint.

"Maria… Maria de Silva?" He gulped and stared at Kelly with wide eyes. "You're… you're… Maria? Maria? _Nombre de Dios_. No, no, it can't be. Right? Is this Maria, Suze?"

I nodded shamefully and turned my eyes to the ground – probably the only time the dark blue carpet with splashes of pink would ever look appealing to me. I simply wished I could sink through it. I knew he deserved this, the distrust and distance from me. He shouldn't have expected me to tell him everything in the first place, after those lonely months of silence.

Then why did I feel like the guilty one?

So, you can imagine my surprise when I felt a pair of strong, tan arms wrap around me in a protective stance. I glanced up to see Jesse glaring at Maria with his arms around me. If I didn't know any better, it would seem like a very heartfelt and loving gesture. But Maria was around, and so protection was probably the only thing on Jesse's mind.

"You will not hurt Suze, Maria," Jesse said in a low tone that only we could hear. I was pretty sure it was meant to sound threatening.

But to Maria, who avoided death twice and was reliving life at the moment, only took one step forward and snarled, "That's what _you_ think, Jesse."

And just when I thought this situation couldn't get any more worse, Josefina shimmered next to us. She waved a little, and Jesse immediately released me. It seemed that he hated to show any affection for me in front of Josefina.

Fishy. _Very_ fishy.

"Oh my, what's going on?" Josefina asked in a surprised voice. "Suze, who is this?" She stepped over to Maria – not literally, she was _dead_ – and stared at her with horror plastered on her face. "Why does she have this burn on her arm?"

It didn't surprise me that Josefina was here in the first place. Oh, no, that part didn't surprise me in the _least_ – she always had a way of showing up at inopportune moments. No, the problem was that Maria was totally unresponsive. Still staring at Jesse and me, glaring, as if she was going to fight us right then and there, frozen in time. She didn't even seem to notice that Josefina was beside her.

"Oh, cut the crap, Josefina. You know who that is." I rolled my eyes and gestured to Maria. "She's the one who brought you back from the dead, in case you forget. So just make your amends to Maria and get out of here."

"Suze," Maria spat, turning to me with Kelly's narrow blue eyes slit. "Suze, who the hell are you talking to?"

As if she didn't know. _Please_.

"No one," Jesse but in. "She's talking to no one."

But of course, Jesse didn't know Maria was a mediator too. He believed that she couldn't see Josefina, when I knew full and well that she could. Josefina just went on standing there innocently, and Maria didn't even bat an eyelid when Josefina ran a hand in front of her face.

What the _hell_ was Maria playing at?

But more importantly, why was Jesse calling me Suze again?

"Look, Maria, stop being a bitchy actress." I turned to her, and her eyes widened a little in surprise, those pink lips still forming a perfect 'o'. "Just stop. Because I know you can see Josefina. You're the one who brought Josefina back from the dead."

Josefina looked at me with wide, pleading eyes. She looked so innocent, so puzzled. Maybe Maria really didn't bring her back. Honestly, she looked like one of those little kids in malls that get lost and scream for their mommies and daddies.

But, come on. I'm not _that_ big of a pushover.

"Suze," Jesse scolded. "I doubt she did. You can't bring someone back from the dead."

"Then tell me why Maria's here, Jesse!" I screamed. He stopped in his tracks, those dark eyes widening in pure, innocent surprise.

He leaned down closer to my ear and whispered, "But Suze, don't you see? Maria… she can't see ghosts."

"But she can!" I burst out. Why was Maria acting like she was some shell-shocked kid, and why was Josefina so annoying when it came to showing up at the wrong times? Why didn't Jesse believe me? _Why_?

"Suze," Jesse pleaded warningly, but there was nothing he could say that I wanted to hear.

"No, Jesse, just shut up!" I screeched. For a second, I thought I saw Maria's lips curl, just a little. Why, God, _why_? "She can see Josefina too, Jesse! She's just acting, acting for some reason that I don't know. But this is completely unfair!"

I turned my back on them, ready to leave those poor unfortunate souls, but I quickly thought of one last thing to say to Jesse.

So I turned around, looked him straight in the eye, and said with the saddest voice I could muster, "Why, Jesse? I've given you all these reasons for you to trust me, right when I have no reasons to trust you. And yet, you deny the claims of the one girl, the one girl that loves you so much that she'd never, ever lie to you if you'd return the feelings for one _damn_ moment!"

And I burst out of the staff closet, not looking back as I covered my eyes with my hands and made a wild dash out of the movie theater, rage fueling and pumping my muscles the whole two miles back home.

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**A/N:** This is my longest chapter yet! 4,541 words! Maybe you could leave a review to celebrate? :D


	7. Chapter Seven

**A/N:** Thanks for everything, everyone!

And I am SO sorry for not updating. I seriously, truly am. I have had this chapter started for so long, but I got so busy with my other fanfics, and then school started, and I've just been swamped with everything. I just want you to know I have not given up on this fic, and I hope to update again soon.

So, please forgive me, and I hope you enjoy the JxS in this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Mediator… -sob-

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This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Seven

I was crying.

No, it was more like sobbing. Yes, sobbing into my pillow, rolling around on comforter of my bed, just letting my sorrow go in the form of fat, salty tears.

It was one of those cries where you just put your whole soul and being into it. All the stress, all the worries, all the anger in your life. It all goes into those huge shoulder-shaking sobs. It was a good cry, where you could be crying about things that didn't even have anything to do with what initially got you sobbing like a baby. A self-cleansing technique, no doubt thought up by the Big Man himself.

In conclusion, that was what you could find me doing the afternoon after that horrific day at the movies. For more than a few reasons.

One, the most important to circumstance, I failed to exorcise Maria. And two, the most important to me, Jesse didn't believe me.

I didn't see how he could just stand there and soak in Maria's story like a sponge. I didn't see how he so easily just disregarded my claim that Maria could see Josefina, and she was only pretending the whole time. I didn't see how he didn't eye the truth when I was dangling it right in front of his face.

Just thinking of this, skimming over the finer details of what happened only a few hours prior, was enough to send me bawling some more into the tear soaked pillow.

Was this heartbreak? I didn't really know. Sure, I cried for the many times he didn't call, or write a letter addressed to my house, or send a simple word my way. But this was totally different.

There was a heavy weight on my chest, pushing me down, closer and closer to the earth. A searing pain shot through my lungs every time I took a single shallow breath to keep my body functioning. And I couldn't stop crying as I replayed his words through my head, over and over again.

_Was _this heartbreak? I was pretty sure it was.

When I walked through the door to my house, nobody had asked where I had been, or why I had come home with the soles of my shoes worn nearly to the thinness of tissue paper. Or questioned why my hair was sticking and splayed out across my cheeks like a wild woman, or why there was no backpack over my shoulder like when I had left.

David expressed a little concern as I passed his bedroom, but once I slammed my door, it became pretty clear I didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially someone who was still staring in blank shock at my departure from the movie theater.

This thought only brought on a new wave of pain that choked me even more, and I buried my head deeper into the covers of my bed. The sight of my room disgusted me right now. The vibrant colors, so happy and uplifting, when all I wanted to do was wallow in self-pity until I was too drained of emotion to think anymore.

Even though I could barely keep my head from being rattled with a heavy sob, there was a small nagging worry tugging at my nerves. Chirping in this little annoying voice, "Maria's still with Brad! They're together at the movies! He's in mortal danger every second that you're wasting your time away crying!"

But I only told it to shut up. Because it didn't really matter right now.

All that did was that I cried my love for Jesse out of me and hoped I never felt those feelings when I saw him again.

But, hope all I might, I could never do that. The psychic's words, back from when I visited that carnival with Gina, rang throughout my head. One love. For the rest of my life. She was right about the contact with the spiritual world part, so I didn't doubt that the second part was true too.

I could still wish, and try, even if it would kill me in the process.

There was a soft knock on my door. Not wanting any excuse for anyone to tease me – especially if it was Brad – I hastily wiped my eyes on the comforter. Then, in the least shaky voice I could muster, called, "Yeah?"

My mom's head appeared around the door, smiling down at me in a sympathetic way. I didn't know if David had told her how I looked when I came crashing in the front door, or if she had just formed her own assumptions, but Mom always seemed to know what I was thinking, and the exact things to do in the process.

"Honey?" she said in a soft voice. "You have a visitor. Should I tell – "

I shook my head rapidly. If it was Maria come back to kill me, then I wasn't turning her down just for another excuse to continue the chase all over again. "No. You can tell them to come on in."

Mom nodded her head, gave me another small smile, and opened up the door wider. I sat up on my bed, straightening out my clothes, and readied myself for whoever was standing next to my mom in the hallway.

But of course, who else would it be but Jesse de Silva? The one person I absolutely didn't want to see right now?

Surprisingly, though, he didn't look happy, or expressionless, or even thoughtful. The expression on his face was torn. Completely and utterly torn. His mouth was turned downward into a permanent sad frown, and his eyes were downcast, not their usual shade of deep brown.

There wasn't really any way to put it. He seemed broken to me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was even more broken than I was.

My mother shut the door on us – obviously not tuned into my current status with Jesse or the scowl planted on my face as soon as I saw him – but he just kept staring forward. Into space, into the air, into nothing, with that heartbroken expression on his face that must've mirrored mine.

"Susannah," he breathed quietly, and my breath caught in my throat. How much I missed the way he said my full name. It sent shivers up my spine, even though I thought I had just cried my whole being out, leaving an empty shell.

Obviously not.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly. I didn't know why I wasn't screaming at him like I had in the movie theater, full of anger and rage. I _should_ have been screaming. But, the cry had taken all my strength, so I could only whisper.

He shook his head, still staring into the unknown.

I bowed my head, not knowing what to do. He was here, and he didn't even know why. By the way his brow was slightly furrowed, I knew he was fighting some kind of hard internal battle. Against what was right and wrong, possibly. He was thinking, and I could only wonder about what.

"I want to tell you everything," he said quietly. And I could only sit there. What good would it do for him to tell me what he wanted to do? That would only throw my imagination into overdrive, the endless possibilities swirling in my brain.

I shook my head. "That's not good enough," I whispered, my voice shaking a little. "Especially after…" I trailed off. It was too painful, too raw a wound to relive the moments only a couple hours past. Too… heartbreaking. Again.

He seemed to be going from one thought to the next, figuring stuff out and putting puzzle pieces together in his mind. "I don't understand why Maria is here."

"It doesn't matter why," I said. "What matters is that she gets gone."

Jesse came over to sit next to me on my bed. He was still staring into vacant space, eyes calculating something I didn't know and couldn't guess. God knew what he was doing, just staring like that. But, something must've snapped in him, somewhere, because the next thing I knew was something I hadn't expected.

He dropped his head into his hands and took a shuddering breath.

Okay. I know I don't like to cry. But if there is one thing that is worse than me crying, it's seeing other people cry. It just makes me tear up inside, watching someone else pour their heart's emotions out in front of me. Other people, as in, Jesse de Silva.

And when I heard that shuddering breath, that's when I knew that Jesse was seriously close to crying. He was always that hard rock in my life, as a ghost and human. Even though the tides had changed in the last couple months, he hadn't cried or strayed from the strong mental picture I formed. Until now.

I laid one awkward hand on his back and said, "Umm… Jesse? It's okay."

He lifted his head and, with weary eyes, looked at me with such a heartbroken gaze I didn't know what to do. It's as if when a person who is so broken looks at you, it's impossible to look away, like their brokenness proves you are not the only one in the world. Or maybe you're just amazed at how broken one person can get.

Either way, you can't look anywhere else but their eyes.

He shook his head, the gesture painful from the amount of effort it was probably taking not to cry, and said, "No, Susannah. It's not okay. It's not okay at all."

I shrugged my shoulders and took the hand from his back. He seemed stable enough to hold his own now, wiping one hand over his face and straightening up on the bed. "So? I know it's not okay. But I'll still say it's okay anyway."

Jesse laughed. I never thought I'd be happier to hear that in my life. I let out a little breathy one, even though I was supposed to hate him right now and just toss him down to the ground. He stared out of the window across from my bed, where the window seat was. I stared out that way too, at the sun setting slowly below the ocean.

And, what he did next, I will question for the rest of my life.

He took my hands.

Reached over, clasped both of my hands in one of his large ones, and held them. His touch – it felt so good after all these months without it. His hands were warm, just like always, and it gave me a sense of comfort, temporarily making me forget there was any pain between us.

For about thirty seconds, until I built up the courage to speak.

"Jesse…" I started, turning to face him. He put that liquid black gaze on me. His face looked so serious, which was really fitting to the moment, if you ask me. "Jesse, what are you doing?" I asked softly.

He let out a frustrated sigh. It was like he didn't know how he was going to phrase the next question. I waited patiently for him to figure it out, him holding my hands, just staring out at the sun that was sinking in the sky. My room was getting darker by the second.

"I… need to ask you something," he finally said when there was only a sliver of sunlight in the room. "It's big, and I doubt you'll listen to me but – "

"Just ask me," I said, my voice cool and composed. Which was quite weird, since my voice should have been husky from all the crying I had been doing before Jesse's arrival. "You're not doing any good by beating around the bush."

He took a deep breath, turned towards the sun, and said, "I need you to trust me."

It was like a knife in the back. Yes, a sharpened knife driving right through my spine. A backstab. I jerked my hands from his and just stared at him with an incredulous expression on my face, eyes wide and everything.

How could he ask that? _How_?

His face immediately morphed into an expression of guilt, and he lowered his eyes to stare at his now empty hands. Only the numbness of shock, repulsion, confusion, frustration, anger was keeping me from slapping him across his face and then storming out of my own bedroom. The way he said that…

"I knew you would act like this," he said and raised his head, "but you have to believe me when I say that you have to trust me, Susannah."

I took a deep, shuddering breath to calm my raging nerves. It didn't help one bit. I briefly closed my eyes and willed myself to not send my eyes into crying again.

Because once you cry a lot for a long time, the littlest things can set you off. A homeless man on the street, your stolen pen, tripping up the stairs when nobody's looking. It's as if the whole world is on your shoulders, and anything off-balance can tip it over.

And I was pretty sure this was a sure tip to one side that I didn't want to go.

When I opened my clear eyes again, Jesse was looking at me with a pain-stricken face. Not the worst I had seen, but there was a tinge of hope in the crinkling of his eyes. Why hope? He seriously thought he had hope, in asking me to…

Trust him. Put everything that had been broken, tape it back together, and hand it right over to him. He had already failed my trust once before; what was there to say that he wouldn't break it again?

And why would he ask me now? At this moment, this time?

I took a deep breath, steadied myself as much as I could. But my voice still broke and shook as I answered, "How? How, Jesse?"

He leaned closer to my face, and for one wild moment I thought he was going to kiss me. But then I realized that it was silly, and he was only leaning in to make a point that I was far past hearing. His exhale met my face, and I smelled his sweet breath, just like it was those few blissful months before he went to college.

"I can't tell you why," he pleaded. "These things are too complicated for me to say. But… but please, Susannah, you have to trust me. If something happens… trust me that it will be all right."

And, then, Jesse de Silva was crying.

Well, not sobbing. But there were tears, tears of pure sadness, rippling in his eyes, making them looking more liquid than ever. But he held my gaze, kept it locked dead-set on mine, which were wide-eyed and tearing by just seeing him in such excruciating pain.

He hurt me, but that didn't mean I reveled in his loss.

Something was going on. I didn't know what it was, but something so terrifying, so horrible, so painful was taking place in Jesse right now. And, it seemed like that something was over me. Jesse de Silva, the person who never cried, was tearing up in my bedroom.

Because of me.

"Jesse…" My voice came out sounding harsher than I meant it to. I just kept staring into his eyes, not knowing what else to do. What else to say. It was one of those moments when the single rock in your life turns out to be nothing more than a crumble of dust. "Jesse… I…."

He tilted his face upwards to face me. "You have every reason not to trust me, and I know that. But, Susannah, to save your life… you have to. You have to trust me, and know whatever happens, I'll save you."

And he gathered up one of my hands again and brought it to his tear-stained lips with the slightest pressure. My stomach wanted to float into heaven; it was the first contact with lips that we had had since forever, it seemed to me. But the hesitant way he did it, the careful way, as if this was the last possible time he would see me, made me scared.

The way he was talking, I could be gone in the next second. 'I'll save you.' It was like I was in mortal danger, some kind of weird death where I would perish on the spot due to some unknown force. He wanted to repair my trust, just for a short amount of time, so that he could make me calmer, make me to believe everything was going to be okay when it obviously wasn't.

I didn't have any inkling of danger I was in, but all I knew was that the fact that Jesse was trying to be beside me for it. He was going to try and protect me. At least, he wanted me to trust in him, have me believe that he would be there for everything.

And I knew that Jesse de Silva didn't beg for anything. He was taught to earn it by hard work. But if my trust couldn't be earned by hard work, and he was forced to beg for it…

Then what kind of freaky danger _was_ I in?

"Jesse," I said, keeping my hand in his palm. It was so warm and comforting, different from when he was a ghost; I could never get used to him being so completely and wholly human. "What… kind of danger am I in? Why do you need me to trust you?"

He looked me in the eyes, our tear-filled ones making a complicated connection with each other. "I wish I could tell you. _Nombre de Dios_, I wish you weren't even in this position. But I can't tell you, Susannah. Just know that I love you, you're only one I've ever loved, and I'll protect you."

Back up. He _loved _me? After he ignored me for so long, after he didn't call or answer my letters or anything, after all the pain and agony that he had put me through? I was so sure, so, so sure that he hated me now, that the flame had faded. Anything and everything we shared was gone, I was sure.

But, apparently, that was all changing right now.

On one end, I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at him, and reject his love, and be stubborn and yell that he was lying, and that I didn't deserve what he put me through, and I'd never forgive him. I wanted to make him feel how I felt so long ago, all those months of silence. I wanted him to feel my pain.

But the way, that hopeful way he was looking at me, like I was the only thing that was keeping him grounded, broke my heart. In reality, I was cheering at his words on the inside, screaming, "He loves me! He still loves me!" And I wanted to tell him I loved him too, wanted to make everything okay like it was before he left. But that could never, ever happen.

"Jesse… I…" I struggled with what to say. What I truly wanted and what I needed were two totally different things that were seriously conflicting now. "I… I can try to trust you. But I need more time to come to love you again.

He nodded, taking my other hand. His touch was gentle, understanding. As if he knew what I was going through. Which he honestly didn't. "I know. I can give you that time. But whatever you believe about me not loving you… I always have, Susannah. I want you to know that."

I nodded, letting my hair fall into my face. I never felt so helpless in my life as I did now. I mean, apparently, I was in mortal danger, my ex-boyfriend loved me, and Maria de Silva was living in the body of a high school graduate. There was a lot on my plate right now, and I seriously didn't know how to deal with it.

But I did know of one thing that would make me feel a little bit safer in the world that was beginning to topple right now.

"Jesse," I said, "could you, um, stay with me tonight? I know you can't tell me what's going on, but… I'm scared. I don't know what could possibly be so dangerous that you'd have to beg for my trust. But… I'd feel better if I had someone by my side tonight."

And, without a word, Jesse scooped me up in his arms and laid me down on my bed. Then he curled up next to me, wrapping those strong arms so they wrapped around me like a blanket. It was like that huge weight was finally lifted off my chest, like I could breathe with relief once again, and not worry about the potential unknown threat to my life.

"Go to sleep, Susannah," he whispered into my hair. "Just know that I'm here. This is now, for now."

And with those words, my eyelids closed and I buried into Jesse's soft warm chest, forgetting everything that was coming up in the future and just living in the moment, remembering when nothing was wrong and we both loved each other endlessly. Because this was now, for now.

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**A/N:** Please review. I'd appreciate it so much. :)


	8. Chapter Eight

**A/N:** Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews and favorites and alerts, everyone! You all are so awesome for sticking with me and this story. :)

Sorry for the delayed update, but I sat down at my computer today and was guaranteed to post this tonight. So, here it is (I promise you'll know everything by the end of the next chapter)! Enjoy! :D

**Disclaimer:** Do… not… own… yay?

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This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Eight

"Hello, Suze? Are you okay?"

My eyes tried to frantically focus on the waving hand that was flying in and out of my vision. Right now in my early morning stupor, it was only blurred, a pale color painting back and forth. I pushed my unruly hair out of my eyes and met a pair of blue concerned ones.

I smiled across the table at my little brother David. "Hey, kid. I'm fine." To prove the point, I picked up my glass of water on the table in front of me and took a long, refreshing swallow.

David shrugged, his red curls bobbing up and down. "You don't seem okay. You have the vacant look in your eye that suggests you're thinking of events way too overwhelming for you to handle."

Oh, boy, did he ever know.

Last night had been the best one I remembered having in a long time. Falling to sleep in Jesse's human arms was probably the best feeling in the world. I had completely forgotten how wonderful it felt until he was actually there, with those strong muscles wrapped around me. The second I had closed my eyes into pure bliss, the night was long gone, and the sun was peaking through my curtains, timid and shy.

And when I rolled over to get away from the burning light, feeling strangely cold even though my blanket was covering me from head to foot, I realized Jesse was gone. His side of the bed was vacated and cold, as if he really was a ghost and didn't give off any warmth. I lifted myself up from my pillows, a little disoriented, and slowly made my way downstairs in a half slumber, only to find out that his car was not there, and I was alone again.

I mean, if your ex-boyfriend had just slept in the same bed as you for a couple hours during the night and then mysteriously disappeared after he had asked you to trust him with all your heart, you'd be kind of confused too.

"Um, I guess. I'm just tired," I grumbled.

David reached across the table, patted my hand, and smiled. The whole gesture was quite awkward. "It's okay. We're all tired. I mean, with a month left until school starts, we want as much sleep as we can get."

Woah, back up. A _month_?

Hadn't I had a whole summer ahead of me? Didn't I want to spend my summer relaxing with CeeCee and Adam, splashing around in the ocean and soaking up some sun? Spending afternoons at the local café, and maybe reading some assigned college books a little early? Staring up at the bright blue sky, and enjoying the salty air that seemed more like home to me than New York ever was?

No. I didn't enjoy my summer like that. I'd spent a month and a half of my vacation chaperoning a little 1800s bitch who wanted a new body, trying to figure out my relationship status with my only true love, and crying more than I ever had in my entire life.

God. Was this what becoming an adult was like? Because, hell no, I'd pass, thanks very much.

"Sure," I said, laughing shakily. "College. That's enough to make me feel a little woozy." I took another gulp of water. When was my head going to stop spinning?

David nodded. "Exactly." He eased himself up from the table, tripping a little over the legs. Halfway out of the kitchen he turned around with a blush on his face and said, "You might want to check up on Brad. He's in his room. I don't know, maybe a little sisterly love will do him good."

"Why? What does he need me for?" I asked. Was he making out with his girlfriend, or lifting weights? Dear God, I hoped it was the last choice.

"He's a mess," David said. "Kelly broke up with him last night."

_What_?

I abruptly stood, pushing my chair back from the table in a clatter. "Um, David, could you repeat that?" Maybe my ears weren't functioning right. Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

David gave me a strange look, as if I was some psycho who was seriously interested in her stepbrother's love life. "His girlfriend agreed to stop seeing him in the late hours of the day before. Kelly Prescott, I think her name was."

No. Way.

I almost spilt my water in the glass as I rushed into the kitchen and dumped it into the sink, just to get some solid grounding again. My mind was whirring; you could practically smell the smoke. I couldn't think straight at all. I was rushing around and almost knocked down David a couple times.

"Suze?" he said cautiously. He had grown so much in the past couple years that he was practically eye level with me. "You know what? I'm pretty sure you're not okay now."

"David, I'm fine. I'm just going to go talk to Brad, like you said to," I responded. My voice must've sounded a little irritated, since David backed off with a blush painting his pale cheeks.

I dashed out of the kitchen, too frenzied to apologize to my little stepbrother, and bounded up the stairs. Brad must've heard someone coming – Dad, Mom, and Jake were working, so it was only me and two of the stepbrothers home – so his door shut closed quickly, a loud bang that reverberated throughout the hall.

"Don't you dare," I growled under my breath to no one in particular. I needed to know what was going on. Something strange – and potentially dangerous – was about to happen.

I mean, Maria practically quit being Kelly Prescott by breaking up with Brad. Why would she do that?

I knocked on Brad's door with a burning curiosity. "Open up!" Okay, not the best greeting, but it was urgent, and Brad needed to know I wasn't kidding around.

"I don't need any freaking crap from you right now!" he shouted back. We really did love each other deep down, I swear.

I took that exceptionally rude comment for an entry ticket. I barged into his room, and almost fainted from the smell.

Bags of chips and wrappers of candies littered the bed and weight benches. A pizza box, soaked with so much grease that there could easily be a fire, was lounging on top of Brad's TV. The floor was entirely covered with clothes and sweaty socks from wrestling last year – yes, _last year_. I had to hold my nose, breathe through my mouth, and then find the courage to take another breath before moving on.

When my eyes stopped watering, I glimpsed Brad on his bed with a television changer in his hand, glaring at me as if he wanted to murder me right on the spot. The TV was flickering the station MTV, some rap music video playing loudly and almost making me cover my ears in fear of having my eardrums pop.

"Get out," he grumbled at me. I'm pretty sure if he had the energy, he'd leap at me and pound the pulp right out of my body to accompany the statement. "Leave."

I shook my head. "I have to ask you some questions, so get your lazy butt up and talk to me." My mind was so busy with possibilities. I didn't even know what I was saying. But if asking nicely wouldn't work – which I knew it wouldn't from past experiences – then I'd have to stoop down to his level: gorilla speak.

"No," Brad said. "Who says I have to listen to you?"

That was it. He was _so_ dead, if Maria already hadn't stolen his soul and replaced the body with one of Jesse's millions of de Silva cousins. Maybe Felix was hiding behind that dense head. That would make a ton of sense to me.

"Because." I took a hesitant seat on the edge of his bed, flicking a Doritos bag on the ground, to which he responded by promptly trying to kick me off the bed with his dirty socks. "Brad, stop. I just want to talk to you, okay?"

"Well, I don't want to talk to you," he said. He was wearing sweatpants and a muscle t-shirt, and was scowling at the TV, which had finally changed to some pop crap that nobody but teenagers liked. It wasn't much better than the rap.

Maybe my roughness wasn't working. I remembered when Jesse had stopped talking to me, I would have punched anyone in face if they said anything offensive to me. Putting myself in Brad's shoes, I thought about how I would want to be treated. Kindness, compassion, understanding.

"I just… it's really important. So I'd appreciate it if you would talk to me," I said, choosing my words with utmost care.

Brad's face was screwed up in concentration, making him look more ugly than he already was. Finally his features relaxed and a gloomy look slid over his face. "Fine. Whatever. About what?"

And here was where I took the plunge, where I would either be caught by a pillow or shatter into a million pieces with the truth. "About your break-up." I could see his brow start to furrow in anger, so I rushed on. "Just a few questions, because you know how I have to go to college with Kelly in the fall, and I want to know how bitchy she really is, depending on how she treated my stepbrother."

Oh, yes, you heard right. Kelly was accepted into the same local college as me. So, that meant if Maria wasn't exorcised soon, I was dead. Disregarding the fact that I wouldn't end up in jail a month from now because I'd be convicted for murder by soul transferring Josefina against my will.

Brad's face remained stony, and I took that as the okay signal.

"What did she… say to you, last night? When she broke up with you?" I asked hesitantly, shifting on the bed to give Brad more space. I didn't want to upset him any more at the moment.

He glared at me for a few seconds, and then let out a heavy sigh. "She took me to a club in central California last night. We were dancing, and when I went to go get some booze, she starting freaking making out with some other boys. I pulled her over to the side and asked her what the hell she was doing."

I nodded. Hey, I would've too, if Jesse was dancing with girls way incredibly hotter than me.

"She took me outside." Brad shook his head and kept his eyes glued to the TV screen. "She said she had bigger and better things to move on to. Things that were way out of my understanding, crap that I couldn't deal with. She said she wasn't going to be the same anymore."

My heart clenched. What she said to Brad, it wasn't the normal break-up speech. I'd bet my savings it was a clue intended for me. The gears were shifting in my head. What the hell was she trying to tell me?

Even though I was trying to figure out the meaning behind the message, Brad was just lying there with a pout on his face. I felt sorry for him. He just had to relive probably one of the worst moments of his life to his stepsister, for God's sake.

So, I smiled at him. "Anything else she said?"

He sighed. "I don't even know why, but she said she'll be seeing you sooner than at college in the fall. Whatever the hell that means."

My eyes opened wide. So she _was_ planning something. Goddammit, why did everything happen to me lately? Why couldn't I be a normal teenager?

I wanted to run over to the hotel Jesse was staying at and tell him everything. But two things were stopping me. One, the fact that I had no idea where he was staying. And two, how he still didn't believe me about Maria being a mediator.

I could have told him all these theories – about how Maria could be planning to exorcise me, to exorcise him, to kill us both in some inhumane way – but he probably wouldn't find any truth in it. Even though he knew Maria was in Kelly's body, he really believed that she wasn't any danger to us, as long as she wasn't a supernatural being – which she was, but Jesse didn't know.

Just like the old Jesse I knew. Back when Maria had come to us in ghost form, he was positive nothing bad would happen. And look where we were now.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. It was going to be a long day. I was already forming a plan to stop Maria in my head. "Thanks, Brad. I'm sorry she broke up with you."

He shrugged. For a nanosecond, I felt sorry for him. The way his shoulders sagged, and how his face looked years older. It made me think of myself, rewind a couple months ago. Maybe he had really fallen in love with Kelly/Maria. Maybe Maria's personality was likeable when she wanted it to be…

Nah. No way.

"I am too," he groaned. "I was such a freaking idiot to believe she liked me. But I shouldn't be spewing this crap to you. You'll use it as blackmail. Out."

I gaped at him, but stood up anyway. "What? Are you – "

"Get out." His face was livid, and he looked like he would kill me on the spot if eyes could shoot laser beams whenever they pleased. Thank God they couldn't.

I raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. God, Brad, I'll leave." And with the slam of his door, I left the room with a red face to the tip of my hairline because of anger and confusion.

Going across the hall, I splayed out on my window seat. Thankfully, it was a chilly morning, but the fog would soon evaporate into the already moist air and allow all the teenagers and parents and little kids to flock to the beach. I rested my forehead against the cool glass, trying to freeze my firing mind.

What was going on? Maria stopped being Kelly, okay. Maybe she was planning to run away after killing me. Maybe she was planning to infiltrate another body. But surely she didn't know how to do that? I mean, unless someone had…

I abruptly sat up and reached for my phone. I flopped down on my bed, punched in his number, embedded in my brain from a couple years of memorization, and rolled over on my back. The ringing tone beat into my brain with each piercing shriek.

"Hello?" Paul's curious voice popped in on the other end.

I cleared my throat for strength. "Hey, Paul, it's Suze," I said in the most confident voice I could muster. Which wasn't all that great to begin with, disregarding the fact that I was fearing for my life right now.

"Suze? What's wrong?" he immediately said. I could hear a rustling on the other end.

I laughed jokingly, although he could probably sense the stress behind it. "Why do you assume I only call you for bad things?"

"Because… well…" Paul struggled on the other end. "Okay. Why don't you tell me why you called, then?"

"Um…" I bit my lip. Moment of truth, or whatever. "Did you, by any chance, teach Maria de Silva how to take a soul out of a body?"

There was silence on the other end. Then a gulp. More rustling. Coughing noise.

"Well, damn," I said, "there goes my life."

"I was mad, Suze!" he burst out on the other end of the line. "You know, I didn't tell you this, but right after I put Maria in Kelly's body, she wanted to know how to do it in order to keep her quiet about who she really was."

I nodded on the other end, holding the phone in a death grip, hanging onto Paul's every word.

"She wanted to know how to be a shifter," Paul said. He sounded ashamed, guilty, as if this was hurting both of us instead of just me and possibly Jesse. "So I had to show her, Suze. There wasn't another choice. She said she would… kill you if I didn't teach her."

Any other time, I would have taken that as a compliment, even coming from Paul Slater. But now, I was just seriously pissed off that everything was coming crashing on me like a building that Godzilla destroyed in one of those bad movies Jesse made me watch with him.

College was looking like a pretty good alternative right now.

We just breathed on each end, easy in and out, calming ourselves down when everything was crumbling down – at least for me. I thought about what I'd do, now that I knew Maria had a death weapon that wasn't tangible.

"I'm sorry, Suze," Paul finally said. "I like you alive."

"Thanks, Paul," I said, strangely not angry anymore. It must've been the calming technique I had used a couple seconds ago. "But… now I've got to go."

"Wait. What was the point of you calling? Just to find out that information?"

"It's nothing, Paul. Talk to you later."

"Suze," Paul said, his voice urgent and pressing, "why did you ask? Is something wrong? Is Maria doing something? Because if she hurts anyone, I'd feel so guilty. Suze? Please tell me now."

"Paul, chill out," I said, even though I was pretty sure I'd never take those directions if I was in his position. "Everything's fine. Bye."

"But Su – "

And I hung up the phone with a _click _before he could say anything else.

* * *

I waited until nightfall to make my move.

My hair was tied into a bun on the back of my head. I put on my black leather jacket and boots. My black backpack – I had collected it from the Carmel Cinemas around midday, and they handed it back without a word, and had probably seen what was inside it – was slung around my shoulder.

All in all, I looked like I was ready to take on a bitchy ghost.

I opened my bedroom door. It was around eight thirty, and I could hear some more rap music blasting through the cracks of Brad's door. I darted past it, and then tiptoed past David's room. He had eyed me strangely and concerned-like all day, even though he honestly didn't need to know what I was planning.

"Be back, Andy and Mom," I yelled into the living room as I opened the door. "Going over CeeCee's for a sleepover."

"Have fun!" my mom called back. If she knew what I was about to do, I'd probably be chained to her wrist for the rest of my life.

Once I was out in the night air, I reached for the piece of paper in my pocket that Kelly Prescott's address was written on. _900 Rose Drive._ At least an hour's walk from where I was. So I started moving, pumping my legs up and down and gulping down enough water when I was thirsty.

Downtown Carmel at night would seem pretty scary to most newcomers, but I had learned over the years that you just had to know it during the day. The houses would stop looking like monsters and become inanimate objects once again, and the tapping next to your ear would morph into a tree rustling in a breeze. It was the same old town, just a different time of day.

I must've been slower than I thought – thank you, short legs – because I reached her house at around ten o'clock. The Prescott mansion loomed up ahead, a huge white building with a P engraved in the stones of the driveway. I walked up and stood on the porch.

I took the rope out of my backpack, and geared into fight position. Of course, there could be the chance that Kelly's parents would be home, but Maria probably wouldn't plot whatever she was planning while there were watchful eyes around to probe. I knocked on the front door and waited with short puffs of breath.

A second later, the white door opened to reveal Josefina de Silva.

"What the – " was all I got out before a fist connected with my left cheekbone and everything went black.

* * *

**A/N:** Please don't hate me too much for ending it there, and review! :P


	9. Chapter Nine

**A/N:** The long awaited Chapter Nine. Enjoy. :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Mediator series… it wouldn't be any fun if I did. :P

* * *

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Nine

I was dimly aware of the pounding in my head when I first regained consciousness.

The ground was so, so cold. I could feel the freezing stone pressed against my cheek and arm, and shivers soon racked my body. I tried to open my eyes, and when I finally pried them open from being glued tight shut, I was either in a really dark room or had a piece of cloth wrapped around my head.

"She's awake," I heard the voice drawl. A girl's voice.

The pounding in my head was making it kind of hard to focus on one thing at once: the cold floor, the goosebumps rising up on my arms, the slight pulsing in my jaw, the fact that I couldn't see, the girl's voice that I was sure I had heard before.

And then I recognized it: Josefina de Silva.

I tried to wiggle my toes, get some circulation into them. Since half of my body was currently making contact with the stone cold floor, I bent my legs and attempted to stand, but I fell again as soon as my ankles caught on something. My bruised jaw hit the floor, and I almost cried out in pain. Instead, I just grit my teeth and tasted the blood in my mouth.

"Don't waste your time, Suze," Josefina said in a sickly sweet tone. "You're tied down. It's no use trying to get up."

Her voice sounded close, too close for my comfort, especially when my eyes were blindfolded – which was pretty much my only defense ninety percent of the time. I tried to move my arms, but my wrists were tied together. And jerking forward didn't help at all because my torso was obviously restrained. I could feel the cutting rope digging into my ribcage.

_Damn._

"Josefina," I called out in a steady voice. "What is going on?" If she played on the nice act – I already had my suspicions about her – I could keep it up for as long as possible.

Her high-pitched Spanish cackle echoed, suggesting we were in a high-ceiling room. "What do you mean? There's nothing going on, as far as I know. But if you're desperate for an answer, you can ask Jesse."

My heart constricted and dropped all in the matter of half a second. _Jesse?_ Jesse was here? What was he doing here? Why was he just sitting there while I had three ropes tied around me? More than ever, I wanted to tear off the blindfold and see.

If Jesse was actually here, he had to be keeping quiet, because I couldn't hear any footsteps. Just Josefina's annoying voice. "Jesse, do you want to explain to Suze why you're here? Exactly what has been going on?"

I wanted him to tell me what happening because, you know, I couldn't exactly see anything. But at the same time, I didn't want him to admit to the fact that he was actually here. Watching me struggle with binds on my wrists, ankles, chest, and eyes. Leaving me completely defenseless to the world around me.

Oh, yeah, he _so_ loved me.

I just kept my mouth shut instead, hoping Josefina would take the hint that I wasn't believing her one bit, not at all. And hopefully I could be untied, get a surrounding check, know where I was, and kick everybody's butt. Fight or flight, right?

"Oh, Josefina, take her blindfold off," Jesse said in an exasperated tone. "She'll have to know what's going on eventually, right?"

_Jesse._ So he was here, and it wasn't just one of Josefina's twisted lies. I felt ghostly hands reach around my head to untie, unwrap, and release a black blindfold from my field of vision. Josefina's deceiving, smiling face greeted me as soon as my eyes adjusted to the incoming light.

"Well, hello there!" she said with that bright smile leering at me. "Isn't it nice to see me again?"

Okay, her happy-go-lucky tone was making me nauseous, as well as how close she was to my face. The ethereal glow that surrounded her was practically blinding me, after I had been left in the dark – no pun intended – for so long.

She finally backed up, and I looked around the room. The high windows, the rows and rows of wooden benches… the familiar setting finally clicked in my mind. It was the Mission's church. I could now clearly see the holy pictures in the stained glass windows, and the full moon shining through and creating patterns on the floor.

A red piece of glass illuminated Jesse's face.

He stood there with the guiltiest look I've ever seen on someone's face when I met his gaze. It actually looked like he was in physical pain, the way his features were contorted and screwed up. My heart went out to him, just for one second, before I drew it back in and locked it up.

_What is he doing here?_

Obviously, something strange was going on, something that I was either going to ask nicely about, or beat the crap out of Josefina to get the answer. Although the binds on my limbs were sort of holding me back for the second option.

"Jesse," I croaked, my throat dry and raspy, "what is going on?"

Josefina huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. They stood next to each other a few foot in front of me in the moonlight that filtered through the multi-colored windows. They looked like twins in the dark. Except for the fact that, you know, one was dead.

"Should we tell her?" Josefina said. "Or is she really that dumb, that she hasn't connected the dots yet? That she still has no idea what's going on?"

Okay. Nobody makes a fool out of me, especially a dead Spanish sweetheart, so I raised my head from the stone cold floor and took a closer look around.

I was definitely in the Mission. We used to come here every day, last period, for prayer, so I think I'd recognize it. I turned my head to confirm that, yes, I was tied around the chest to the altar of the church, with binds around my ankles and wrists. So, no hope for escape there.

But then I paid attention to the details. Jesse had on a nice suit, and Josefina was wearing a black dress that was wispy and floor length – which was totally out of style, any girl could tell her that. At the bottom of Josefina's feet sat some candles, a Bible, a blanket, a few matches…

_No._ I felt my stomach drop as I realized the reason for my binds. But playing dumb never hurt anyone. Hey, it could be even used as a last defense.

"Um, what?" I said. Jesse gave me a desperate look. "I don't get it."

"Wow. You're really stupider than you look." Since when had this evil, backstabbing bitch lived in Josefina? I had suspected something, but damn, I thought 1800's girls had better language and manners than this.

Josefina picked up a few candles, placed them in their holders, and started to light each one with a match on the ground in front of her. "Jesse, you explain to her."

Jesse looked like the last thing he wanted to do was explain things to a pissed-off, super confused me, but he took a deep breath and said, "We lied, Suze."

This was it. My mind went blank. I could handle Josefina lying, but him? Jesse? After everything that we had been through together? The church started to spin in disbelief, and I didn't even know what he was lying about.

"What?" I said, my throat dry.

"We didn't come to your house asking for you to soul transfer Josefina into another body," Jesse said. "We came here to gain your trust, so that we could soul transfer you out of your body and put Josefina in."

_What?_

Josefina let out a high-pitched giggle and now, all four candles lit, started to place one at each of the four corners of my body: one by my left leg, right leg, left arm, right arm. "Oh, yes. Didn't you know? We had picked out the body a long time ago. That body was you."

My blood froze. Maybe if I was on my feet and armed and had my exorcism tools, I wouldn't have felt so scared. But, tied down and trapped and helpless, I only felt fear.

"But… how? Why?" I managed to choke out.

Jesse stared at the floor, not daring to see my expression, and talking in a rushed way. "Josefina came to my apartment in New York around six months ago. She told me that she wanted a body, wanted to live again. And since I was a shifter, I could soul transfer her into another body, as long as it was free of a soul."

"I threatened to kill you in your sleep with a knife if Jesse didn't comply. It would be quick, fast, and you wouldn't know what hit you while you were sleeping," Josefina added in a sweet tone.

"Josefina didn't want to act until you were out of school, so we waited until you graduated, which wasn't hard to figure out from your letters," he said as if rehearsed. "But until then, she didn't want me to have any contact with you. Distance myself. Stop talking to you."

"Breaking off any trust between you two," she added, approaching me with the blanket, which looked soft and warm and oh-so wrong for the situation.

Jesse took a deep breath, hands clasped behind his back. "We came to you. Josefina wanted to develop a connection to you, so you would trust her. The body searching was all to gain your trust."

"And I told him to eliminate any trust between you two. So, that's why when you gave an order, he answered." I immediately thought of the abrupt change from Susannah to Suze. God, wow, was I blind.

Josefina seemed to take over the storytelling now. "But _Nombre de Dios_, you are so cynical! I still haven't earned your trust. Well, I suppose I won't now, after punching you in the jaw and tying you to the altar, but still. At least we wore nice clothes for your funeral. Now, up, I need to put this blanket under you."

So. Basically, I was the one to die the whole time. Not one of the babes on the beach, pretties on the boardwalk, or best friend. Always me. I was always the one whose soul would get tossed out to rot in the spectral plane for the rest of eternity.

God, how dumb I have been.

Did it even occur to me that after one month of searching, we still hadn't found a body? Connected the dots between Jesse's lack of trust and Josefina's overwhelming amount? Noticed that there was something up with Josefina timely popping up, the de Silva bloodline, the Susannah-Suze name identity crisis, the huge danger Jesse tried to warn me about?

No. I didn't notice. And it was leading to my death.

"Hello?" Josefina said. "I said up. If you want to die uncomfortable, fine by me, but Jesse insisted we shouldn't do this the Peruvian way. And I don't want to wake up in my new body uncomfortable and cold."

Not really having a choice, I lifted up my body in a complicated pose, one where my hips lifted off the ground, while Josefina slid the blanket under me. It provided a single barrier between the cold floor so I wasn't freezing my butt off each second that clocked closer to my death. But I was too numb to feel the small chill anyway.

"I'm sorry, Susannah," Jesse whispered, his voice almost inaudible from Josefina's shuffling around.

And then I remembered his words from the night before, when he stayed the night with me and comforted me and made me feel that I was safe against this impending doom. _You have to trust me, and know whatever happens, I'll save you._

What a bunch of lies.

He knew. He knew the whole time. He knew six months ago, when he started ignoring me. He knew one month before, when he showed up at my doorstep with an undead bitch and I grudgingly agreed to the soul transfer. He knew a few weeks prior, when Josefina and I went body searching. He knew one day ago, when he pleaded for my trust.

The biggest hypocrite in the world was standing in front of me. What right did he have to ask for my trust, when he knew he would be betraying it in a few short hours? What right did he have to let me trust him, when he was about to present my death sentence? What right did he have to even talk to me?

Lies. They were all lies. I was let down by the last hope that existed, and now I was handed on a silver platter to him for his own selfish gains. His sister would be in my body until she grew too old and died. Hooray. I hoped he lived with the guilt of my rotting soul for the rest of his life.

Josefina grabbed the Bible from a few feet away and placed it into Jesse's hands, and then bounced away to sit on the front row pew. The stupid ghost didn't want to get sucked up to the spectral plane. She wasn't taking any chances. "Here. Read as instructed. I cornered the pages that you'll need, okay? Do good to me!"

_And damn me to hell_, I added in my head, but didn't say aloud. I was too stunned to utter any resemblance of a syllable.

Jesse knelt down in front of me. I could actually hear his ragged breath as he held the Bible out in front of him with shaky hands. I wanted to punch him in the face, I wanted to kick and scream, I wanted to cry like a baby. But I knew none of them would do any good.

"I want to hate you," I whispered instead, quietly so Josefina wouldn't hear. "I want to believe what you said that night. But how can I now, Jesse?"

He pretended to be flipping to the right page in the Bible, but I knew he was answering me when he whispered, "Please. Trust me."

It was like a parent telling a kid they weren't allowed to have any sweets for a whole week, and then offering them a whole bag of candy. Ridiculous. I just stared into his eyes, searching for any reason, a way that he could still be sane as he said this. But his face looked so sad, so regretful, that he had to be serious.

And I didn't know why, but I _wanted_ to trust him. Some part of me wanted to believe he was good, and did have a plan to save my life. Probably the part that still loved him with all my heart. I couldn't think of anything else to do but sit back, close my eyes, and put my trust in the guy who had let it down so many times.

He started reading. My head started pounding harder. I was imaging the wispy fingers crawl down from a hole in the wall and begin to wrap around me like a suffocating wet blanket. But I didn't feel anything grasp me. I didn't feel my soul start to rip from my body, like last time.

Was he actually saving me?

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you serious? _This _is her exorcism?"

And I snapped open my eyes again, recognizing the voice. Jesse turned his head, and over his shoulder, I could see the strong tan legs, swinging confident gait, and annoying-as-hell voice.

Maria de Silva.

There was never a time before in the past hour where I wanted to get out of these binds more than ever. I had always had some type of edge over Maria every time I had faced off with her. Jesse to protect me, my exorcism gear, the element of surprise, a height advantage.

What did I have to shield myself now? Oh, just a guy who had broken my trust one too many times, who I was still convinced was going to kill me. Right.

Josefina flipped around her head, those long curls bouncing, to face Maria, who was walking up the aisle. "I don't see you having any better ideas."

I saw the color drain from Jesse's face. He hadn't believed Maria was a mediator, a shifter. But the way Josefina spoke to her now would convince the biggest non-believer. Yes, oh yes, Jesse.

"He loves her still, Josefina," Maria said. She was wearing a tight pink mini skirt and revealing black top. Anyone would mistake her for Kelly Prescott and let her through the Mission's doors. "Do you seriously think he would say the words honestly and perform the exorcism correctly?"

Josefina shifted in her seat. "It's not like I could do it. I'm still a ghost. I could get sucked up and be gone forever."

Maria rolled her eyes and then glared at us. "He messed up those last three passages. On purpose." Her lips curled back into a malicious smile that made shivers run up my spine. "There won't be an exorcism going on tonight with him reading."

He messed up reading the passages? It explained why I was still in my body. But did he seriously mean to keep the promise that he made to me the night before…?

Josefina's face contorted into that same smirk. "Well, then, I guess you'll just have to read for him."

Finally, it seemed, Jesse's mouth unstuck itself and he blurted, "Maria? You're a shifter? You… you can see her?"

Maria's devilish lips curled back into an evil sneer. "Yes, Jesse, I can. Too bad you didn't listen to your little girlfriend there, or maybe I might be gone by now, with Diego once again."

Recognition of that day at the movie theater dawned on Jesse, and he turned to face me. The regret was plainly etched in his expression. As Maria rolled her eyes and Josefina pouted, Jesse said to me in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry, Susannah."

I couldn't even find any words to respond to his apology with. I was done with the sorry's, the sadness, the anger, the confusion. I wanted it to be over. If that meant wandering around the spectral plane for the rest of my life, so be it.

"Dammit, Susannah, I'm sorry," he whispered, and I knew if he had allowed himself to cry right now, he would have. But this situation was crucial. We both wanted to sob, but we couldn't allow ourselves. We had to stay alert.

"Let me do this right," Maria said. "I doubt even Jesse knows how. I did learn from the best, after all."

Paul. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. I had left him worrying on the other end of the phone line. What would he do when I was dead? He would probably never forgive himself, and wander around with a weight on his shoulders for the rest of his life. I would have to leave a last message for him with Jesse.

"How?" Jesse croaked. One of his hands reached behind to grip mine. It didn't offer any comfort.

Maria rolled her eyes. "Didn't you know? I was the one who brought Josefina back from the dead. She didn't have any 'unfinished business,' whatever crap she spewed to you. Paul Slater brought me back, and I'm the shifter who brought Josefina back. This was my entire plan, Jesse. You didn't just go along with it. You were a pawn in it."

Jesse was stunned. At Maria's snap of the fingers, Josefina darted over to Jesse and gripped his hands in a death lock with supernatural strength, dropping the Bible. She dragged him backwards, and he cried, "Susannah! I lo – " before Josefina kicked him in the back, silencing him temporarily.

Maria grinned evilly and strolled forward lazily as defeated Jesse was slumped over, breathing heavily with anger, in Josefina's ghostly grip. "Well, well, Suze. We meet again."

Not finding a better time to do so, and feeling a tinge of confidence, I said simply, "I was planning to exorcise you tonight."

She cackled and placed her knees on the cold ground, picking up the Bible and staring with Kelly's blue eyes right into my own. "Oh, poor Suze, you didn't get the chance. I was just a little smarter than you. Didn't you ever consider that I broke up with Brad to trigger your thought process? That I was planning something big tonight? You got that part right. I was planning to kill you."

Honestly? Nothing was shocking me at this moment. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered the part about a trap set up with Brad. But I didn't really care anymore.

"The original plan was to lure you into the Mission's church through your trust to Josefina. It was her idea, but I knew it would never work. Especially after Paul told you I was Maria, and we had that little run-in at the movie theater. So I told Josefina we had to use a trap, combined with force. And guess what? I was right. And now I'm going to let Jesse suffer while I send you back to where you belong."

"Too bad you won't get the chance," I spat.

She cackled and laid one tanned hand on my bruised cheek. I wanted her bloodthirsty hand off of me. I wanted her gone. "Oh, Suze. How wrong you are." And she grew back a fist and punched me square in the bruised jaw.

I cried out in pain, red clouding my vision and blood filling my mouth. Jesse called my name, but Josefina put a hand over his mouth. The red irony taste was making me sick, so I coughed the blood onto the church floor. Maria looked on with a simple smile that could only be described as triumphant. I stared up at her with pure hate in my eyes.

"You'll get used to never hurting in the spectral plane, don't worry," she said sweetly. And then she picked up the Bible. "Josefina?"

"Ready." Josefina was in the aisle, one hand covering Jesse's mouth and the other holding his hands behind his back. "Go ahead. We're waiting."

Maria gave me one last terrible and torturous smile, and said, "Have fun in hell."

She held the Bible up, and started reading. Passages that were supposed to be uplifting and spiritual to worshippers, but now they only felt hollow and like a death sentence to me. How often I had heard Kelly's voice? Flagging me down in the hallway, giving speeches to run for president of our class. But now, I heard it sentencing me to a life of hell, and I stared at the ceiling as the candles burned.

A black hole opened up above my head. I saw the evil spirits, wispy and red and evil like the time I had exorcised that ghost Heather, swirling around my head. The black looked like an impending doom, waiting to swallow me up and trap me there for eternity. I stared at my future, and it looked back at me, grim and promising.

I could tell the exorcism was coming to a close because of two things: Maria's words were getting louder and more pronounced, her voice rising in excitement, and I felt myself becoming disconnected from my body. My spirit was rising higher in the air, and I mentally waved goodbye to it, to the throbbing forehead and bruises on the jaw and blood in the mouth and tied up limbs. I had liked that body.

And then, just as Maria's tone of voice was coming to a finishing close, where the hole would swallow me up since I was completely detached from my body, two things happened at once.

Jesse broke away from Josefina, attacked Maria so she dropped the Bible, and then flung himself on top of my body, his soul rising up along with mine, just as the black hole closed off for good and left us spirits on earth.

And Paul Slater burst through the double doors of the church.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I know there's loopholes, and I might have forgotten to mention some things, but please don't hate on me too much. I'd appreciate it if you reviewed, thanks. :)


	10. Chapter Ten

**A/N:** Well. This update took longer than expected. My heart was pounding and I was almost in tears when I finished this chapter. God, I sound like such an idiot, don't I? Anyway, read on, my friends. :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Mediator… nooooo.

* * *

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Ten

The first thing I did was I tried to locate Jesse in the madness. Because, seriously, who knew what the hell was going on?

Maria was screaming bloody murder, practically ripping her head off in anger, and glaring the sharpest and longest knives that would kill the fastest at Paul Slater. Josefina was staring up at me as if I was… well, a ghost, to use an old term. I was on the ground, finally, and frantically looking around for Jesse.

And Paul? He was yielding a backpack and black attire, staring up at me with those piercing blue eyes. Between Maria and Josefina and Paul, who I was still sure my brain created as a mirage to ease the pain of dying, I was lost in a sea of sounds and sights.

But then I felt a hand grip my upper arm. I turned to the right, and almost cried out at the sight of Jesse. Jesse, as a ghost, just like most of the years that I had known him, except with the same clothes, a tux, that he had on today. A flood of emotions came rushing back to me, but two dominated.

One, nostalgia. Two, what was he doing as a ghost?

Paul Slater charged forward, picking up a sword that Father Dominic swore was only for religious purposes on the altar and yelling, "Suze! Jesse! Get into your bodies!"

But Josefina recognized what she was capable of doing faster than me or Jesse did. She darted forward with desperate speed and slipped into my body. I was too stunned to do anything as Jesse gripped my shoulders and pulled me back, away from Josefina, just in case she was coming to attack me instead. But she didn't. She only wanted one thing.

My body started to stir, and I stared down in horror when I saw my own green eyes staring up at me. Which was weird, since I was staring back with those same green eyes. And everything I was reflected back at me. I couldn't think of anything but the fact that Josefina was in my body, and I would likely never get it back.

"Look out!"

Two claws came flying at me, but I only had a second to realize those claws were manicured and attached to a tanned hand before Jesse tugged me farther back, pulling me away from Maria's frenzied attack. Paul swung the sword, missed, and Maria cackled with delight.

"Paul Slater," she said, breathing heavily, "is that you? Oh, we meet again, now do we? I have to thank you, being you who brought me from the dead."

"You're about to go back there," Paul said and took another swing with the sword. I'm sure Father Dom only thought it was for religious ceremonies. Right.

Jesse and I were on the ground, and I was standing at the foot of my body. Josefina was just awakening inside, sitting up, taking in the surroundings.

"All of you, all of you will be in hell tonight!" Maria screamed. She was going insane, I was sure. "Just like Diego! You'll all be gone!" And quick as a fox, she leaped forward, grasped the sword in Paul's hand, and took an offensive stance with it.

Josefina was up now, gaining her footing. She whispered, "A body. An actual body! _Nombre de Dios_, this is amazing," which I barely heard over Maria's screams and Paul's grunts. Jesse's body was lying on top of hers, and she shoved it aside, a good couple feet away from the blanket, and sat up. I knew he wouldn't get in it now, because there weren't any other souls and he was so used to being a ghost that he probably could fight better as one.

I felt Jesse tug my arm. "Paul needs help. I'm going in."

I nodded and turned towards him. "I'm a ghost now. I'll be fine, you know, no worrying about poor little old human Suze." I smiled painfully for extra measure, but I was trying to plan how to get my body back. Josefina seemed like a girl with a fight, especially now she was fueled with actual muscles and bones.

"I wish it weren't so," he whispered, then dashed in and gripped Maria in a headlock. She writhed and screamed, her blonde hair flying out everywhere, while Paul grabbed the sword and held it up to her neck.

"Okay!" Maria screamed. It echoed off the walls. I couldn't take my eyes off of the one point in her life when she was outnumbered, couldn't tear my eyes away to look at anything but her. The moment where she would be done. Forever.

"Okay, okay!" Maria yelled. "Let me go! I'll leave you alone, let me go!"

"Ha, yeah, right," Paul said. I saw a long gash on his bicep that was bleeding profoundly, and his forehead was shining with sweat in the moonlight. It was hard to see practically anyone but Jesse and, well, me, I guess, because we were surrounded by that oh so special ethereal glow, but it looked like Maria was panting with a wild look in her eye.

"We're not letting go," Jesse growled. "This was your plan. Yours! You and Josefina deceived me, deceived Susannah. You'll be given a proper exorcism to rot in hell with _el Diablo_ for the rest of eternity."

I was positioned safely away, by the pews, watching on with a terrified stillness. Maria's rapid breaths slowed. Paul allowed himself to take down the arm holding the sword and check the blood for a second. It looked like Maria's nails really were claws.

I wanted to help, but I couldn't do anything. I didn't have a weapon. I knew what I had to do, but the Bible was lying down the row of pews, from when Jesse had attacked Maria and cut the exorcism. I needed to exorcise Josefina and Maria, but how could I get both of them under a black hole that would take time to conjure? They were human now. Even though bodies bruised, they fought hard.

Maria cackled away, clearly insane now. "Oh, no, you won't!"

"Yes. Your end is near, Maria de Silva," Paul said gravely and prodded the sword into her stomach – not enough to hurt, just enough to let her know what's going on and who was in charge.

"And yours is too!"

Josefina's leg kicked Jesse square in the back, so hard that he fell to the ground and released Maria in one flourish. She, in my body, stood behind Jesse. God, I had hoped the look of pure hatred she was wearing on her face was never worn on mine. It was terrifying, and made me fear for Jesse's life, even though he couldn't get hurt.

Paul barred his sword, at the ready, as Maria came flying at him, screeching and ready to bare her claws. But I knew that Paul wouldn't kill her – or, rather, her body. Because that was Kelly Prescott, and I'm sure he'd find her up in the spectral plane after this was all over.

Jesse was on the ground, and Josefina put one boot right on his cheek, smashing his face into the stone and dirt of the church. I ran forward, not even thinking, my heart panging at the sight of Jesse defeated, but stopped when I saw, in awe, the Bible in her hand.

"You aren't doing anything without these. Take another step forward and they'll burn," Josefina said in my oddly high-pitched voice. And to empathize her point, she knocked a candle over onto the blanket that my body had laid on, and the flames erupted wildly.

How had she managed to get it? It was in the pews, a good hundred feet down the aisle. The church must have been too dark for me to see her slinking around, since she didn't have that light spectral glow Jesse and I had.

Spectral glow. He was a ghost. He could teleport out of her! How he had always shimmered and glimmered before slipping out of my room. He could do it now, so easily, get away from here, save himself. I couldn't leave Paul here, and most certainly I wouldn't leave Jesse, but he could go, and then Paul and I could take these two crazy bitches on, and bring his body to him, which was lying a little to the left of the fire, later.

Josefina leaned her face down near Jesse's, while keeping her boot on his face. "What's that? Say it louder, _mi hermano_, I can't hear you!"

"Jesse!" I screamed. "Jesse, transport away! Teleport, do something! Get out of here! Save yourself, do something, Jesse!"

But he was fading fast. The pressure of Josefina's boot, the scene of Paul and Maria's bloodshed, and the newly made smoke were clogging up his senses. He was losing the will to fight. But his reply, the strongest one he could muster, barely said, "I cannot leave, Susannah, with you in this danger. I won't."

I was nearing into hysterics. He had to get out of here, he had to be safe. I called out to him, "Jesse! Leave! I'm begging you! Save your – "

But I was knocked backward from finishing by a flying Maria. She was straddling my chest, crushing me, and I was on the ground, my back unable to feel the coldness of the stone. Her grin was maniacal. I struggled to see around her, to find where Paul was, why he had let her escape, but her face breathed down into mine.

"Oh, no, Suze, you're staying right there." Her breath was horrible, as if she had blood in her mouth for a while. "You're going to sit there like a good girl while we exorcise you to hell. How does that sound?"

"Paul – " I tried, but her bloody hand came crashing down on my mouth.

"Suze…" I heard the faint reply. It sounded weak, sounded as if he was fading fast. I tried to keep the mental images of Paul's head being pierced with a sword out of my head, but who knew what was going on while I was seeing my love crushed by Josefina's boot? Goddammit, Jesse needed to get out of here. Why wouldn't he leave?

"He's not closer to hell than you are, but he's pretty damn close." Maria cackled, answering my fears. "He'll be gone from blood loss in an hour."

I wanted to scream, to struggle and kick and fight, but Maria was on top of me. I thought about teleporting, but how? And I couldn't leave Jesse here, anyway. And then I saw why he wouldn't leave. Was I willing to leave the love of my life in the hands of two bloodthirsty relatives? Oh, definitely not.

"Don't punch her, Maria!" Josefina suddenly cried out. I couldn't see her, but I knew my – now her – voice well enough. "We want her to be alive. Alive and well to see what happens when she's banished to hell. We want her to greet the underworld with a beautiful smile, don't we?" Her voice was frantic, talking fast, nervous, for some reason.

A wide cackling grin spread over Maria's face. "Oh, yes, we do." She roughly shook my shoulders, pulled me up, pinned my hands behind my back while I was struggling to stay on my feet. But I didn't really need the extra restraint. I was weak from the fight, from the bruises, from the blood, from my raging emotions.

Jesse was still cramped under Josefina's foot. He was struggling, but it wasn't helping much. She was strong now, as a human, and loved the rush of the adrenaline that touching and feeling gave. This would make her twice as strong as any supernatural being. Jesse's body lay only feet away. He needed to reach it. Nothing was helping his situation.

Especially when I saw Paul on the ground on the steps leading to the altar, a huge gash on his chest and head, gushing blood onto the floor. His lazy eyes rolled in their sockets to gaze at me with a desperate but determined stare. I bit back tears. It was over. Paul was down, Jesse was down. Then I was mostly definitely down.

The flames were burning bright now, and the smoke was starting to choke me. I tried to breathe through my nose, but the smoky air made it hard to get enough oxygen, so I opened my mouth, tried to breathe, felt my throat sting. And rinse and repeat the cycle. Josefina stood in front of the flames with Jesse under her foot. It actually looked like she was a gateway to hell. Which was funny, because when she started reading the Bible after she got Jesse up off the floor and into Maria's headlock, she really did look like death.

Jesse and me, our hands behind our backs, shoulders touching, weak, no power left, Maria holding our hands with furious strength, us too weak to fight back. Jesse said something, but I couldn't hear over the roar of the fire. I looked at him as Josefina chanted the words, and the black fog started to swirl overhead, Maria ready to throw us in at the perfect time.

"I love you," he said, louder this time. "I love you, Susannah. I'm proud of you. Of what you are. And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, Jesse." If I could cry, I would've, but being a ghost kept the tears from falling down my face, so I only felt them on the inside. This was really over. The last time I would ever see him. My death. It didn't take long, only eighteen years, didn't it?

"And… I love you. Jesse, I've loved you all along. Why do you think I was so mad? Because I loved you too much and I couldn't deal with it when you were gone and… now you're here, and… it's…"

"Over," he finished, but it didn't sound like doom, but more wistful, as if he wanted this to be over for me. "Goodbye, Susannah." And I knew that if we didn't have Maria behind us, he would have given me a sweet parting kiss.

"Goodbye, Jesse," I said, voice cracking. "Goodbye, I'm sorry, goodbye, I love you, goodbye."

We stared into each other's eyes, and let the moments pass as Josefina read in a language we didn't understand, and just savored the moments we had left, because what else could we do? I cried, and cried, and cried on the inside. I'd always thought I'd die with dignity, telling my family jokingly that I'd see them in the underworld before falling peacefully asleep forever.

But when the love of your life and one of your best friends dies with you, I don't think you can help yourself but cry. For the past, for the present, for the nonexistent future. While evil lives on, and you, you and everyone else, has to die, and leave the world to collapse like an unstable building, you can only stand there and weep, for everyone, everywhere, everything.

The flames seemed to lick the black hole that was swirling, twisting in front of it. I knew Maria wouldn't take a step closer, or Josefina, in fear of being sucked out of their bodies. So they would push us in at the last minute. Which seemed to be soon, by the way the red eyes of evil spirits loomed down at us in a menacing glare. I would soon be one, too.

Josefina's voice stopped speaking, and she turned towards Maria with a giddy grin on her face. "It worked, it's done!" she called. "In, you go!"

"Any last words," Maria hissed on our ears, "before you go back to hell, where you can rot like my husband did all these years, you bitches?"

"Yeah. Good night, Maria."

I heard the swift swing of a blade, a gagging sound. The grip on my hands released, weakened, retreated. I took the chance to wriggle out of it and take a good couple steps from the exorcism, checking to see if Jesse was there and okay. He was released too, and looking at Maria with a grim expression. I turned my head, and almost reeled back at the sight.

The silver blade of a sword was sticking through Maria's stomach. Her eyes were glassy, not seeing, glazed over, as her dress started to soak with blood, and she fell to her knees. And when she did, I saw Paul standing over her, drawing the sword out from her body, and letting her crumple at his feet.

My mouth hung open. I felt numb. Maria was dead. Maria de Silva was long dead and gone. I felt like screaming, but Jesse ran over me and grabbed my arm, bringing me back to reality, and realizing I felt really sick. I willed myself not to puke.

And then when I looked around the room and saw Josefina's shocked face, I knew it wasn't over yet. Which was why I shouted, "Jesse, quick!" when I saw her lunge for his body.

He was faster and closer, getting into his body, slipping back into it like a glove before she could toss it into the flames. With Maria gone, Josefina was lost, scared, and unsure. She backed off, whimpering, as Jesse stood up, stretched his limbs, and gripped her shoulders.

"You are _mi hermana_, Josefina," Jesse said to her, "but you don't belong here."

"No, no, Suze!" Josefina cried, turning to me. "Stop him, please stop him!" Tears were streaming down her face. "This is my second chance! I'll be good, I promise, but don't let me die again, I want to live!"

I stared at her, hatred in my eyes, and met her gaze. Hers were my own green ones, staring back at me. We might have had the same eyes, but we didn't have the same brain. I shook my head, once, and said quietly, "Jesse. Up and away."

Her eyes widened, took one glance at the swirling and ominous black hole, and she turned to Jesse. "Please, Jesse, save him! I'm your sister, you love me, you have to love me, do you think Mom and Dad would like this? When you die, it'll be all over for you. Please save me, and God will take mercy on your soul for almost killing me. Jesse, don't do this!"

He looked at her for one long moment. My heart beat wildly, thinking he might spare her. But then he pushed her forward until she was under the hole to hell. She screamed, writhed, pleading, desperate for something to hold onto, someone to save her. But she was past that, and her soul rose upward, and my body fell backward, and she looked like that sweet old Spanish sweetheart I had met at the beginning of the summer again.

But now I knew better. She wasn't.

The hole swallowed up as she entered it, and there were no more screaming demons, no more cries of tortured souls. I took a breath, coughed from the smoke. Leaped into my body as soon as the hole was closed up. I felt reality take over, and I woke up with bruises everywhere. I felt grounded again, like I could stand and I wouldn't fall. But I didn't know if that was from gravity or passed danger.

As soon as I was able to move, I ran over to Paul, who was stark white and beginning to fall to his knees on top of Maria. I took his arm, laid him down, spoke to him. "Paul, Paul, hang in there, you're okay, you're going to live, Paul, okay? You're not dying, you're not leaving us!"

He was past hearing. It took all his last energy to drive that fatal sword through our worst enemy. Now he was going to bleed to death, die like Maria had said when she was still here. I felt a choking knot in my throat and started crying actual tears.

"Paul, no!" I screamed, hysterical. "Paul, don't go! Please, you're okay, Paul, tell me you're going to be okay! Paul… Paul…" His eyes rolled back into his head and he closed his eyelids.

"Paul… Paul… Jesse, help him," I cried. "Help Paul!"

Jesse laid one hand on my shoulder, his face grave over Paul's, staring with a tortured look down on our friend, best friend, who had saved our lives. "We need a doctor," he muttered.

"You're a doctor!" I cried, my tears falling onto his face. "You want to be a doctor! Help him, he doesn't deserve to die, not along with Maria and Josefina! He saved us, Jesse, we have to do something!"

The smoke was clogging my brain, my nose, my throat. I was finding it hard to breathe. There was a whisper in my ear, maybe a siren in some far off place, and the roar of something, but I couldn't figure it out, because even though the night was so bright, it turned dark and black all too fast, and I couldn't see anything anymore.

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**A/N:** One more chapter, the epilogue, to go. So sad. :( Anyway, please review! I'd appreciate it. Can we make it to 100 before the end of this story? :D


	11. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Mediator, for the last time!

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This Is Now, For Now

Epilogue

There were too many people dressed in black.

There were parents, family and cousins, classmates. There were crying neighbors, mournful lovers, strange passerby that always showed up at the funerals to pay respects. Everyone in the town of Carmel was there, it seemed, and then tons of others from out of state. There was me, there was Jesse.

But we didn't belong there. Not us. Because of what happened.

I leaned against Jesse, and his hands gripped mine for support. Surprisingly, I wasn't crying, or even close to it, as I had been the whole summer. I felt hollow, maybe a little guilty, but I couldn't cry. Maybe because I hadn't known her that well, or because I knew that she was still living on, albeit an unhappy existence.

People, each with a pink rose, moved up to the grave, laying their flowers down on the smooth green grass. Jesse and I stepped up in line with each person, him following me. I stared at all the crying faces, all the sad faces, all the faces like my brother's that looked like they would never love again. If they had known, oh, if they had only known what had happened.

Brad was trying to keep it together from the looks of it. He laid his rose down, whispered something to her ashes hidden under the earth, and stood up. When he was done wishing her a happy afterlife, he turned in the opposite direction and walked over to his car, but I knew he wouldn't leave without us. I stepped up, looking down at Kelly Prescott's grave and holding the pink rose poised above it.

I hadn't known immediately what went on after I blacked out in the church a couple days ago. The last thing I had remembered was Paul, and Jesse, and overwhelming sounds surrounding me before I fell back into a brain-dead fatigue that was hard to escape from. And when I had woken up two days later, my eyes sleepy and blurry, I found David's face staring into mine.

"She's awake!" he cried as my sleep-crusted eyes struggled to stay open. "Mom, Dad, Jake, she's awake! She's alive!"

Mom had come over, tears in her eyes, staring at me with that desperate, worried expression that moms always get about every little thing. "Oh, thank God, Suze. Thank the Lord, my God." And she kissed my face and told me how great it was that I was alive and the doctor only said I had some smoky gunk in my lungs and was exhausted and that was it. So that it didn't make sense to me why everyone thought it was a miracle that I was breathing.

When the memories came rushing back, I said in a voice that stung like hell from smoke damage, "Jesse? Paul?"

David nodded really fast, and then ran around the corner of the hospital room. I heard his hurried little puberty voice calling out to someone, and then two seconds later, Jesse stepped out from behind him, smiling and looking pained and older at the same time. He was clean, wearing a neat shirt and crisp clean pants.

My heart picked up speed, lying on that hospital bed, seeing him standing there. Safe, alive, not in danger. But mostly, _there_. "Susannah, I'm here."

I beamed at him, wanting to throw myself into his arms, but realizing that was going to be a problem with all of the tubes coming out of me. So I settled for holding my hand out to him, and he came over and clasped it, looking a little relieved I could move.

But there was something wrong. Rather, someone.

"Paul?" I asked faintly, so quiet that I wasn't sure anyone heard me.

But apparently they did. "Oh, Suze. Paul…" Mom trailed off, covering her hand with her mouth. The tears seemed to well up in her eyes again. I didn't know if that was a good or bad sign. Because, honestly, I couldn't tell anymore.

"He's all right, Susannah," Jesse said, laying his other hand on my arm. "He is okay. Healing."

My chest welled with relief. The savior and the love of my life were alive and well. But, "Really…" I struggled to say, disbelieving. Because it didn't seem likely. Paul had been dying when I saw him last. He couldn't have recovered. I slept for two whole days. Two whole days doesn't heal wounds, physical or emotional.

"He's having a rough time," my mom said when she removed her hand and took a shuddering breath. "Stitches, in head, chest, arm… but he's recovering. He had to have blood transplants, Suze. He was… not good. But he's better now. You are so lucky you made it out okay, unlike poor Kelly."

And then I asked. And then everyone left but Jesse, saying he knew the story best. And then I learned.

After I had fainted, Jesse ripped a strip of Maria's – well, Kelly's – t-shirt from her body, a little bit of her pants, and a shoe, leaving it outside the fire. And then, to save the secrets of the spectral plane, he threw her body in the fire. It turned to ash in mere seconds, and when the firefighters and paramedics arrived a couple minutes later, he started pleading the fast thought out cover story to them.

Paul, Jesse, and I were out for a night in the town, but noticed something wrong with the Mission when walking by, wanting to say goodbye one last time. Flames were licking the windows, and when we got inside, we caught the image of Kelly calling out to us, but the flames engulfed her too fast for us to do anything. The huge crucifix of Jesus fell over onto Paul and I in the structures turning to ash, and we fainted from the hard-hitting injury. Jesse was just going to call the cops when they arrived.

When I had to give my report after I was released from the hospital, I told them that she might have been there because of depression over the break-up with Brad. That she didn't have the will to live, and just didn't see a point in running from the fire where she might've gone to pray with some candles and a blanket because the concrete was cold. This hurt him, but I promised myself that I would make him feel better when he was ready to know the truth.

Jesse told the police that she had been acting weird lately, adding to the story of depression. Her parents, naïve like the real Kelly Prescott, added to the story through the power of suggestion, putting in little details about her eating less and becoming more moody. If they only knew.

Paul hadn't given a witness report. But I had to thank God he was alive.

When I saw him, after I had been released two days later with minor wounds and all that jazz, I almost bowled over half of the hospital staff running to his room. When I burst in the doors and saw him lying on the bed, with stitches and bruises and lacerations and all that fancy doctor lingo, I let the tears fall down my face. Again.

I took the plastic chair by his bedside. His parents left us to ourselves, and I grinned at him in relief when his face broke out into a smile.

"I never thought you'd be so happy to see me in your life, Suze," he joked. "I would've expected a knife or some medieval weapon to kill me with."

I glared at him, the tears evaporating pretty fast. "I should. I honestly should. Because you were such a freaking idiot, thinking you'd be a hero and everything – "

"Relax, Simon." He chuckled and reached for my hand. "I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Yes, but – " Why wouldn't anything come out of my mouth? It was like it was full of cotton, for a million emotions or something. "How did you know to come?"

He raised one arm a little half-heartedly. "After you're oh-so-nerve-calming call, I decided to do my research."

"On?"

"On what could be happening. I talked to your brother for a while, grilled him about you and Maria. So I hightailed it off to Kelly's house after stocking up on supplies, and saw the door ajar. And your black backpack."

Well, dammit. That's how he knew? Just by a backpack that Maria and Josefina had so carelessly left on the front porch? I was seriously questioning their evil genius IQ at that moment.

"So the next guess was the Mission, for an exorcism." He shrugged as much as he could without tearing any stitches. "There are only a number of places in this small town, y'know."

I nodded and tilted my head. "Well, as much as I want to hate you right now, I don't think I can. You saved my life, and you saved Jesse's. I think I owe you my life for that, Paul Slater."

But he started shaking his head before my sentence was over. Then, he seemed to change his mind and started slowly nodding. "Hey, I've got a way you can repay me."

"What? Anything." I was already regretting it, though. Personal slave? Lifetime servant? Permanent ghost-butt-kicker in exchange for himself?

His face was grave as he said, "Be with Jesse. Love him again. God, Suze, you were miserable without him. Did you even look in the mirror those six months? No offense, but you looked like crap."

I stared at him in shock.

Paul's face broke out into a wide smile, and with the little strength he had, he clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I'm serious. It's over now. They're gone. Spend the rest of your life with Jesse. I want you to be happy."

I slowly, reluctantly nodded.

But he was right. Everything was over. Maria was gone, Josefina was gone. And I don't think Paul was going to change his mind about keeping her in hell forever like last time.

The events done reeling like a movie strip through my head, I let the rose fall onto the grave, staring at it with a final conviction. "Goodbye, Kelly," I whispered. "We didn't intend for you to be sacrificed in this supernatural game."

Jesse placed a hand on my shoulder from behind, as I tried to keep my face from wavering. I had always thought everything else I had gone through, all the things with the revengeful bitch Heather and the vampire and the Angels and Paul. I had thought that had been the worst. But nobody who was innocent had ever been a direct victim. I hadn't let anyone die without doing something about it.

Until now.

Jesse placed his rose on top of the grass, and took my hand from behind. We didn't want to go to the luncheon later, or anything else. I didn't know why we didn't want to either. Was it because we felt guilty, or because we weren't close enough? I couldn't tell. But Jesse was leading me wherever I needed to go, so I let my heart guide me and followed him.

When we were a good hundred feet away from the gravesite – far enough that no one would hear us, but close enough that we could still see them – we stopped on a patch of very green grass by a few scare gravestones.

One of which, I noticed, was Hector "Jesse" de Silva's.

Jesse's hand came up to caress my arm. Gently. "Are you okay, Susannah?" his voice spoke quietly.

I tore my eyes away from where I had been staring at the tombstone to his eyes, which were darker and more liquid then the gray sky that threatened to release rain pouring down on us. I nodded my head, attempted a smile.

He tried to smile back and we stared at the tombstone, thinking of Kelly's already-made grave that would soon be joining it. And thinking of all the pain and heartbreak and love and hurt and betrayal that we had gone through in the past twenty-four hours.

"Please forgive me, Susannah," he suddenly said, very quietly. "I shouldn't have listened to Josefina. I shouldn't have agreed to the soul transfer in the first place. I shouldn't have – "

I reached up and put a finger on his lips. "Shh," I said in a whisper. "Don't apologize. It's okay. We're both alive, aren't we?"

He reached up, gently took my hand down from his mouth and placed it in his two huge, strong ones. We heard the burst of a sob from across the graveyard. "But I should never have led you to believe… to believe that I didn't love you."

Could I blame him? Could I seriously blame him for the traitorous bitches that threatened my life as blackmail for him? And that he loved me so much that he decided to risk his own in trade for mine?

I stared up at him, tears dangerously welling up in my eyes, thunder rumbling in the close distance. "Jesse. It's okay. You chose my life."

"But your life was destroyed," he whispered, closing his eyes, as if he was in actual pain. "I ruined it for you. I deserted you when you needed my trust the most. The timing was wrong, and I shouldn't have listened to her. You should have never… put your love into me."

"I like loving you." And then when I heard how silly that sounded, I laughed. "Oh, you know what I mean."

He opened his eyes, smiling half-heartedly. "Susannah… you don't know how much it pained me to toss the letters into the fire on Josefina's command, let the phone ring and then pick it up to disappoint you. You don't know how much it hurt."

I took a shaky breath, placed my other hand on top of his. "Jesse. That was the past. This is now."

He stared at me, willing me to go on.

"We were at the beginning of forever," I whispered. "We were _going_ to make mistakes. We both hurt each other, we both didn't trust completely, we both were nervous about keeping it together. But, we know something now."

"That I love you, more than anything in the world?" he asked, leaning his forehead on mine with a faint smile on his face.

"No." I smiled. "That _I_ love you more than you do. And don't try arguing."

He let out a breath, which tickled my nose and almost sent me swooning to the ground. How much I had craved this closeness, now that there was nothing between us anymore. No secrets, no lies, no mistrust.

"But what about college?" he asked, eyes rippling with worry again. "I can always enroll somewhere close by, so we can – "

I shook my head wildly, eyes widening. "No. No, Jesse, no. Don't give up your dream for me. And I won't give up my dream, whatever it is, for you. Because whatever mistakes we made in the past year, they'll be fixed this time around."

Jesse's eyes filled with hope again, and it was all I could do to prevent myself from doing something stupid and ruining this perfect epiphany moment.

I said, "I'll call."

"I'll write."

"I'll text."

"I'll fly."

I smiled wider, staring into those liquid eyes as the rain started to silently fall around us. "And I'll trust."

"And we'll both love," he whispered.

I nodded my head, tilted it upward to meet his lips. It was sweet, it was cleansing, it was everything of new beginnings. New beginnings, the middle of life together, the rest of forever, or whatever it was. A chance to figure things out, love, and enjoy life while not giving up anything else. And I suddenly didn't feel myself caring about what was coming next, only knowing with my whole heart that whatever happened, he'd be right there, and I'd be right there too, and we'd always know what to do.

"And love," I said.

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**A/N:** So. This is it. The end of the story. What a year it has been! Seriously, it's been practically one month shy of a year since I started this story. And to everyone who's stuck with me, I thank you.

I also want to thank all the readers, alerters, favoriters, and reviewers for encouraging me! I never expected this story to be a hit, just a little idea I had floating around in my head that was too far-fetched to work, but I wrote it and _you_ liked it, so thank you so much!

I have one other Mediator story on the horizon, from Jesse's POV. I'm not sure if I'll be posting it in the near future, but you never know! I'm definitely not leaving this fandom for good, though.

So, one last time, please review this for me! And THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE! :D


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